Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

One night in my room, as Chris was leaving, he stood back and gave his reflection the thumbs up in the mirror beside my door. As I laughed, he told me half-seriously that one should be positive about the way they look. No worries for him, he's a good looking bloke. Then again, he is right.

The constant exposure to beautiful people in the media nowadays creates a warped perception of beauty, an idealised image of what beautiful is. Ignore the fact that only 1% of the world's population actually look like those celebrities splashed across magazine covers and advertisments. Ignore the fact that most of those featured have oodles of cash, personal trainers, fashion consultants and a whole managerie of people to help them look good. Society dictates that they are beautiful and therefore they are.

I took a step back and looked at myself in the mirror today. I really looked at myself, instead of merely casting a glance to check on my clothes or my hair. Funnily enough, I couldn't picture anyone else standing in front of the mirror. I thought about all those people wishing they looked like Catherine Zeta Jones or Britney Spears or Claudia Schiffer... and I thought, "That's not me."

I cannot imagine even changing my weird nose or the strange angles of my face. I may not be classically beautiful, but there are so many advantages of being not gorgeous. I know my friends are with me because they truly like me for who I am (especially since so many of my friends are really and truly beautiful people). I'm not under the same pressure that beautiful people are. I'm relieved that I'm not the centre of attention of any place I go to. I'm less subjected to certain stereotypes. It's good being not beautiful.

Then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Although most of my friends are truly physically good-looking, they're beautiful to me because of who they are, and the more I learn about a person as I become closer to them, the more beautiful they become to me.

What can I say? I'm surrounded by beautiful people.

Musings Of the Day

Nat made me a doll! Whoo hoo! Doesn't actually look like me, but whoo hoo nonetheless!

My little sister is going off and saving the world somewhere. Makes me wish I could do something more hands on to help. I suppose in the long term, I will be saving lives and all that jazz, but for now, I feel almost ineffectual. I suppose everyone helps in their own way, depending on the cards dealt out by fate. I would like to do one of those building programs. You know? Going to a rural area and building houses for people and such. Get my hands dirty and doing some real work. Oops. Went off on a bit of a tangent there. Good luck to her team, in any case. :)

It's a good week - I've had the absoulute minimum in hours that a medical student can have. Yippee! Downside: I'll have double labs next week. Sigh. There's always a catch. It's the eternal rule of the universe. It's been fairly good though. I don't have anymore assessments until the end of the semester.

Went to the city with Pei and Ashiq yesterday cause Ashiq was looking for Tammy's present. It just made me realise how little guys sometimes know about shopping for presents. Zilch. Nada. Nein. Pretty much a stereotypical clueless male.

We went out for Indian for Tammy's birthday that night. I sometimes forget how amazed some people can be when I start eating with my hands. Tammy's Malaysian as well, so we were shovelling rice and curry down our throats using our hands, without even batting an eyelid. Some of the others really couldn't take the mild spiciness.. The look on Jeff's face was priceless.

"... You're eating with your hands."

No d-uh. How does everyone think people got about before utensils were invented? Plus, food tastes so much better eaten with your fingers. Must be something to do with the enzymes at your fingertips. The food reminded me of being back home at a mamak stall, made me miss Malaysian food quite a bit. It was good company though, Sachen was relating this interesting story about his encounter with some people and AK-47s back back at his home in Kenya. Apparently there were these people in a car down his street with the windows rolled down and AKs pointing out. His whole family just locked themselves in. I can see why.

My grandmother's been diagnosed with late stage cancer. She's not my biological grandmother, so it's not technically family history. Makes me think about life and death. Strangely enough, I'm not afraid of death. I should be. But I'm not. I wouldn't mind dying the next day, if that was God's will. I see it as a natural process. Somehow, the thought of dying the very next day even doesn't evoke any fear or anger. Only the mildest irritation that I won't be able to do the things I want to do in my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal. I wouldn't go out of my way to invite death. However, if it was my time to die... there's nothing one can do about it, can they?

Only two things are certain : Death and taxes.

"You Cut A Mars Bar with Your Knife!"

That's what Jeff told Onagh in response to her impeccable table manners. I went out for Thai yesterday, with Liz, Hugh, Tammy, Onagh, Jeff, Sally, Mary and some unknown chick who I had never laid eyes on in my life. It just serves to highlight how good good food can be (I think college food has almost desensitized my tastebuds). The restaurant was great - we sat on the floor on one of those roll-up things and it was really casual and laid-back, for such a fancy looking place. It was a pity I had to rush back for a tute I had, but then again, by the time I had to leave, the food was gone and the rest of them were finishing up the wine they brought.

In retrospect, I think I have the best of many worlds living in college. I hang out with different cliques. Yes, there are cliques in college, even within the fresher community. There are the jocks. The artistic people. The smart-asses. Then there are the internationals. I have the best of all worlds. :)

I'm a second year, so I'm relatively friendly with the second year meds. Chris, Jack, Greg and Shehara really make an effort, even though I wasn't part of Ormond last year. It's different because they're so close-knit.. but they make the effort to make me feel included. The first year meds ask me for advice. I love actually knowing what I'm talking about! I'm international. As long as you're from a different country, I can bond. Liz and Hugh are the artistic party animals that drag me into their crazy worlds.

So, so different.

My Malaysian friends, who are soft-spoken, sweet, extremely nice and fairly straightlaced. They're always up for some fun, but it's always good, clean fun.

The 2nd year meds, with their flippant humour, occasional gay jokes and are also extremely nice. They're decent people, despite how rowdy they can get at times.

The laidback people like Pei and her love for rock-climbing and Sam with the relaxed attitude. Always up for the spur-of-the-moment excursion.

The party animals who have a strange habit of mock-insulting the people they like. They're probably going to drink themselves to death one day, yet they can be the warmest people I know.

Eclectic? Very much so. Makes me wonder if I should pick a group and conform. Then again, I was never the type of person who could make her mind up easily. It's great being able to connect to different type of people on different levels. I know there's a balance: I don't really have a specific group I hang out with, as a result, I'm almost a loner in that sense. But by forfeiting conformity to certain people, I get to hang out with lots of different, fantastic personalities. Win some, lose some.

Liz was calling me a cunt yesterday at the tram stop(she's the type of person who uses the word 'cunt' or 'whore' almost endearingly. I smiled, pinched her cheeks and told her she was cute. I think that was the one time I saw her at a loss for words. Hugh couldn't stop laughing.

Lesson of the day : It's so much nicer to return love for hostility.

Oh, Of Good Nights Ahead

Last night was one of the best nights in ages. Fabian, Pin Jun, Nik and I originally went over to College Square to surprise Ruth for her birthday. Oh the sacrifice. Walking in the rain, in the chilling weather, with sub-zero winds... Well.. The surprise was on us. Ruth was out. :P

We decided to recoup our losses and have dinner together. Yin joined us and we headed down to Ongs for some authentic Malaysian food. Ah.. I had dinner earlier, so I wasn't that hungry. Yin and I just had drinks... but as soon as Fabian's nasi lemak arrived... OMG, I just started salivating. And Pin Jun's tom yam! Ohhhhhhhh... I had to help myself to a bit of their food. Yin just kept telling me to stop (apparently if you eat a lot one tends to put on weight. Which, on another note, people... I am not skinny. I am just nice. I eat a fair amount. Plus, my diet's relatively excellent. So there.) I can't believe Fabian wanted another meal after his nasi lemak! That was a whole meal!

Yin had to meet some friends at Crowns so we parted ways. The four of us headed over to Nando's cause Nik wanted some chocolate mousse. Fabian ended up getting a meal. Pin Jun and I salivated over the smell of hot peri-peri chicken for awhile before caving in to temptation. Then naturally, I had to have some chocolate mousse. (So, so good... All those endorphins in chocolate keep Aida happy!)

It was one of the best nights I had in ages... Perhaps because we had been pretty good friends for awhile, since our KDU days, it was good just hanging out together, without other people being there. We stayed for ages at Nandos... The manager even came over and offered us chips! We originally declined, then he said it was free. And us being Malaysians did a total one-eighty and were all like, "Yeah, thanks!!" Nik later told us that she thought the manager was giving us a subtle hint: Buy something or go away. LOL.

The conversation flowed so easily. Fabian was teasing me about putting a picture of Chris and I on Friendster (in my defence, I always put up recent pictures. D-uh). Going on and on about being replaced and reaching his shelf-life. Heh. Fabian, you'll always be one of my favourite guys. :D We were talking about how brainwashed engineering gets you. Always thinking in sequential thoughts and stuff. You do run that risk, I suppose. I'm glad I'm not an engineer. We talked about politics and social events and being in Ormond. It's so good to have conversations with people who share history. You connect on an emotional and mental level.

We were discussing relationships. I guess we've come to an age where we talk about it quite a bit. I know Nik and I freak out, being medical students and all. Face it, it's a lot harder. Longer hours, less chances to meet guys, plus, I'm not the most social of creatures! Also, lots of guys wouldn't get together with someone who earns more than they do. That probably would take out half of the population. Sigh.

Should I be worried? Technically, the odds are against female medical students (ever wonder why doctors always end up with other people in the health profession?) Then again, I have faith in God. You can't mess with fate.

************

Today, I took Sam and Kirsty to this excellent chocolate cafe that Nik was telling me about.

Oh. My. God.

We stood there for 10 minutes just salivating at the menu. It was this little place slightly off Swanston, hidden from the bustle of the city. It was just this charming cafe tucked into the back of major construction, and there was chocolate everywhere. Huge pot of melting choclate beside the cashier (evil...! What a way to tempt us!). Little chocolate squares laid out artistically. Wafting smells of hot chocolate. Waffles with chocolate sauce. It's a chocolate cafe. What else do you expect? Sooo, soooo goooooood! I had the strawberries with the chocolate fondue. Mmmm... I keep recalling the taste the whole day. Warm chocolate saturating your taste buds. Mmm...

We had lunch on the lawn in front of the State Library. Bumped into Anthony, who was doing some studying (argh, I should be doing that. Study, I mean.) He's more mature than a lot of other first years I've met. He reminds me of some English dude that sits in the park with his lunch and throws off bits of his sandwich to pigeons. An interesting one, that.

While we were at Target, Sam bumped into the hair-dye section. Result: He now has excellent mahagony brown hair with reddish streaks. Courtesy of me. :) I picked a pretty good colour, even if I do say so myself. I think it was called Brazillian Brown. I want streaks now! :( I want red, red streaks. Hmm. Maybe I'll do it next week. Hmm.

I get excited over inane things. Like messages on my phone. :) Chris left a message saying good luck for the test. Which reminds me that Jack is running for athletics tomorrow: Will show up with support if I've finished studying (How one is connected to the other - we're both 2nd year Ormond med students). I digress. Ever noticed how hard it is to talk to an answering machine? Inane, I tell you. Maybe that's why it's so fun listening to other people's messages. No one ever ends well. There're all these "Umm's..." and "Ah's...". And the classic pause, "Well. Okay then. Bye." I know I ramble on a bit when leaving messages. I cringe having to listen to my own voice on the answering machine. Ack.

Ah... Nik surprised me with my belated, belated birthday celebration. It was so good seeing Lin and Shahid and Rina again - I haven't seen them for ages! Ahhhhh! I wish we had enough time to get together and do a really girly chat. Nik tried organizing birthday celebrations for me three times this year. Yeah. Three times.

NB: Birthday celebrations don't work when the birthday girl's always up to something or other.

I guess better late than never, hey? :) We had chocolate cake, which I hate, but it tasted good because it was meant to be for the celebration. Hugh and Tammy came over for a little while before they went off for sake bombing (mental note: Stay up. Hugh's going to come back roaring drunk quite late and I might wake up). I wish they had stayed longer. Then again, God has a plan for everything: I need to finish up cramming for my Monday test!

Whoo hoo!

I finally finished my assignment! It was killing me... I had another 800 words to go and kept getting distracted by the Internet. Desperate means called for desperate measures, I just dumped my cable in Hugh's room and told him not to give it back to me until I was done with my assignment. Amazing what a little incentive does to you : I finished within the hour.

I finally got photos of us mucking about in Hugh's room before the Easter break! Yay!

That was an I finally finished my assignment! It was killing me... I had another 800 words to go and kept getting distracted by the Internet. Desperate means called for desperate measures, I just dumped my cable in Hugh's room and told him not to give it back to me until I was done with my assignment. Amazing what a little incentive does to you : I finished within the hour.

I finally got photos of us mucking about in Hugh's room before the Easter break! Yay!

That was an awesome night. We spent the whole night singing the most inane, random songs on the top of our lungs. Granted, everyone else except me was absoulutely smashed, but it was a great night. Even when the tutor came in and told us to keep our noise down... at three in the morning.

I think Liz is the most confident person I've met in my life. And the sexiest by far. God, if I had half her confidence. Never have I met a more unique person. She's the type you meet for five minutes and you are immediately charmed by her personality. She's larger than life.

I wish I had more photos of the Ormond Ball. I want to get a proper camera. One that can actually take good night pictures. Then I wouldn't be suffering this dilemma. Sigh.

I seem to be having the time of my life here and I am... but I miss my friends back home. I wish I could be with Nat and Idham and Adlina and Khairun. I don't want to think about home. It makes me homesick. Sigh.awesome night. We spent the whole night singing the most inane, random songs on the top of our lungs. Granted, everyone else except me was absoulutely smashed, but it was a great night. Even when the tutor came in and told us to keep our noise down... at three in the morning.

I think Liz is the most confident person I've met in my life. And the sexiest by far. God, if I had half her confidence. Never have I met a more unique person. She's the type you meet for five minutes and you are immediately charmed by her personality. She's larger than life.

I wish I had more photos of the Ormond Ball. I want to get a proper camera. One that can actually take good night pictures. Then I wouldn't be suffering this dilemma. Sigh.

I seem to be having the time of my life here and I am... but I miss my friends back home. I wish I could be with Nat and Idham and Adlina and Khairun. I don't want to think about home. It makes me homesick. Sigh.

Socialising is Good for Health

It was a full day yesterday. Hugh was going on about how he didn't want to depend on drinking to ahve fun... so we went for waffles! I love half-price Tuesdays. Apparently I'm not the only one who gets cravings in the evenings; from only Molly and Hugh coming along, Liz, Jeff, Mary, JD and Onagh decided to come along as well. Mm. Waffles. Anyway, on our way out, I bumped into the med guys. Who were apparently on their way to visit me. Strange. They never do. Chris might, once in awhile, but not all three. They must've been bored. :D

The waffles are mouthwatering. We did get a little sidetracked by the chocolate shop (Jeff nearly had a coronary - it had all these imported US chocs that he was getting homesick about). Hugh walked halfway down to get cigarettes, but decided not to. I'm touched. I think my constant nagging about emphysema and heart disease is actually getting through.

Chris, Greg and Shehara did drop by after our tute, to check out the sketch I did of Chris while we were on the train to Geelong. It's not bad, even if I do say so myself. It has a slight resemblance (I'm not fooling myself, I suck at portraits). Chris and Greg ended up staying ages, just hanging out. Molly came over as well, and we had this convo about her new guy.

Side note: Molly's gorgeous. She's one of the nicest people I know. And I swear I've gotten to know her so well recently. We have great chats about guys! :D And bless her, she can still look at me and wonder why I'm not with anyone.

I have a hard time keeping track of which new guy is trying to pick her up most times. There have been more than a couple, that's for sure. It must be hard having so many guys after you, I reckon. Anyway, Chris and Greg were there, and Molly was swapping SMSed, so Greg gave us his perspective on what to say/not to say to a guy in an SMS.

Hmm. In retrospect, our conversation topics : Sex, gay men, romance novels (the guys wonder how I can actually devour them; my theory is the predictable storyline and happy endings. Who wants to read anything heavy after having to read medical stuff??), random medical stuff, our different tastes in music interspersed with the random SMS and Greg exclaiming, "Read it out!" And the lewd jokes. God, what the night air and chocolate does to us. And I mentioned I was planning to head to Gold Coast. Greg's going to play tour guide. :D

Greg's gone off with my jacket now. Hmm. Must remember that he has it and not freak out.

It's nice having people over my room. My room's just nice for having a couple of people over. I might invite them over again, more often. I love my friends. I love it here. I love being in Ormond. It's shaping up to be a fantastic year.

Raiyan and Nik haven't come back either from their trip down for waffles. NB Check the room in the morning, just to make sure they're alright. They might've gone off somewhere. Do not know.

Rowing Camp

I blame Bellsy's enthusiasm and the fact that she was my floor leader :D. When she called up for sign-ups for the rowing team, she was all "It'll be fun! You don't need to know how to row!" Considering that I've only ever vaguely heard of the sport, I merrily put my name down on the sign up sheet and went on my naive way. I've always been relatively fit, I figured this would be a fun new sport to try.

One week later, Bellsy introduced the ergo, the rowing machine in the gym. I went on for 30 seconds while Bellsy watched. We were supposed to do about 20 minute sessions on the ergo, twice a week. Being the lazy procrastinator I am, I didn't get around to doing it until 3 weeks later.

I realised I could barely last 5 minutes without stopping. My muscles were cursing at me! That deceptive looking machine was hellish! I'd rather face a 6 foot giant on the sparring field than do ergoes, frankly. Yet, I persevered because the rowing camp was in two weeks and, well, if the ergo was that bad, I can only imagine what the camp would be like.

In any case, the camp started last Friday. This was when I realised my folly. Fit, I say? Perhaps, but not when it comes to rowing. Apparently, rowing is one of the most exclusive, competitive sports in Australia; as evidenced by the reactions I got whenever I mentioned to an Australian friend that I was trying out for rowing. The reactions were identical.

Rowing? Have you ever rowed before?

No? (surprised reaction)

....

Do you know how competitive it is?

Well, I'm sure you can do it. (heartily encouraging smile)

Hmph. Of all the sports I decided to try, it had to be one that was exclusively dominated by these super-fit organisms who rowed 1.50 minutes or less for 500m. Ack. And barely breaking a sweat at that.

Rowing camp just proved that general fitness isn't everything. My muscles still ache. I discover new aches everytime I stretch. The back of my shoulders, my thighs, my hips, my waist, my arms... 22 girls tried out for a team of 16. 5 of us had never rowed before. You can guess who didn't make the team. :)

In retrospect, I don't regret trying out for rowing. It was definitely an experience. Rowing on the Yarra River itself on that one day was fun, and although the more experienced rowers made it look so incredibly easy, I now know better and have all the more respect for the people who do it. I enjoyed it, despite my screaming muscles.

I'm semi-thankful I didn't make the team. The next three weeks of training will be intense, I know. 5 o'clock mornings and the sort. And if I feel like this after one day, I doubt I would've survived the next three weeks. I'm looking forward to seeing how Ormond does on the rowing regatta! :D

Googlisms!

Ah... the beauty of a spare 5 minutes on the Internet. Boredom prompted me to type my name out on Googlisms, and this is what the World Wide Web has spawned out.

aida is the exciting and passionate tale of a nubian princess

aida is a disaster

aida is driven by 2 gear sets

aida is recast

aida is expected to bring in le 20 million

aida is back to egypt

aida is not addressing the problem

aida is a diabetes software simulator program which allows interested patients with diabetes and their relatives

aida is expected to bring in le 20 million egypt

aida is the exciting and passionate tale of a captured nubian princess who falls in love with her conqueror

aida is 100% cotton

aida is a tripartite alliance of governments

aida is sad since the victory of radamès

aida is still revered as a master

aida is not deterred

aida is the only manufacturer to use a hardened and ground pinion and ground drive gear – a benefit that gives customers reduced backlash

aida is the only manufacturer in the industry to offer the control as a standard piece of equipment for its gap press line

aida is not about cheerleading for the present system

aida is walt disney theatrical productions' first original musical

aida is back to egypt next october in an exquisite setting at the temple of queen hatshepsut in luxor

aida is a two

aida is only intended to be used for educational / teaching / demonstration purposes

aida is an interactive pc

aida is so deliriously ghastly it is great fun to watch

aida is about forbidden love

aida is a classic story of lovers caught in the turbulence of war

aida is then given as a gift by radames to his fiancee

aida is an activity of the development gateway foundation

aida is posted in the aida participant site

aida is a tool which supports the designer in the first phase of the aircraft design process

aida is one of approach

aida is loth x's offering to audiophiles who will accept nothing less than the best

aida is a program that can act as performance support

aida is a princess as well

aida is a musical love story bursting with contemporary energy that tells the story of two star

aida is disney's newest blockbuster musical with a tony and grammy award winning score by elton john and tim rice

aida is astonished

aida is jeremy kushnier

aida is the most popular of the "grand operas" and its grandiose spectacle and stirring music have made it a favorite at outdoor arenas

aida is a villain

aida is more subtle and understated than that

aida is the standardized communications and operational infrastructure for integrated claims management

aida is a must see for all

aida is the epitome of the dahman strain

aida is great

aida is stunned to hear herself repeat these words

aida is one of those timeless tragic romances

aida is the place to go

aida is "weakly preferred"

aida is a very strong muslim who prays five times a day and fasts every monday and thursday

aida is a standard set of interfaces for creating and manipulating histograms

aida is a powerful software solution that helps to make the administration of the company much more efficient and profitable

aida is big on friends and family

aida is a 5v pci mezzanine card

aida is spot on

aida is 13 and 1/4" x 6 and 1/4"

aida is one of the most lavish operas ever written

aida is popular because it helps marketers appeal to consumers' emotional and social needs

aida is named aida on the internet and some guy sent me volumes and volumes of attachments on history of the opera "aida"

aida is the daughter of amonasro

aida is based on the performance at new york city's palace theatre at 8

aida is the most common fabric for cross stitch

aida is performed in the opera

aida is indeed the princess of nubia

aida is a classic tale of personal love versus duty and love of country

aida is captured by radames

aida is an advisor to philanthropic initiatives in the us and in latin america

aida is surprisingly affecting

aida is a tale of love with a greek

Random, I know. :) Some are cool though; those are the ones I've highlighted. Not necessary true, but cool nonetheless.

* * * * * * *

Just got back from Caitlin and Will's housewarming, brought Sam with us. Good move, Sam's always chatty and since he's from Canberra, he and Caitlin and all her friends from Canberra can talk about their lives back home. Or not. :D Sam's cool though. One of the most easygoing guys a girl can meet; always there when you need him and always, always, always good company. It's hilarious when he and Nik start on each other.

Mental note: A large majority of med students are lazy. The myth that med students are hardworking is not always true. It is only the fact that a large majority of us work well under deadlines and enormous amounts of pressure to churn out decent assignments that differentiate us from most people.

Everyone's come back to college now! Whoo hoo! I was so excited when Hugh came over and knocked on my door. It seems like he was never away to begin with, with him coming over all the time and vice versa. We have a new neighbour as well. A chick named Steph moved in between us, replacing our old, almost non-existent neighbour. (Seriously, we never saw her. Her curtains were closed all the time. Didn't seem to go down during mealtimes or anything of the sort. Plus, she rebuffed all our attempts at friendship.) Steph seems nice. I hope she turns out as nice as I think she is.

Also bumped into Chris and ended up hanging out in his room after coming back from Caitlin and Will's housewarming. It was good catching up with him, we ended up talking about Average Joe (this TV series that we're both kind of addicted to: this supermodel type chick has to choose from about 20 guys to go on a dream vacation with. Catch: 10 of them are really stereotypically average guys - think the geek, the truckie, the brooding artist - and the other 10 are these really hunky, bulked up guys. I must say I wasn't too keen on her final choice.)

Somehow we ended up talking about Fabio, and I was sort of like, "Who the hell is that?" Result: Very funny half hour of trawling the Net for Fabio pictures (that's the Most Beautiful Man in the World???). If I didn't know better, I would've said he looked like one of the heroes from those romance novels. Oh wait. He is.. Heh. Apparently he's posed as romantic heroes on about 100 romance novels (I thought he looked familiar, I've actually read one of them!) There were some v. funny sites dedicated to him. :) How does anyone take him seriously?

Ah... Class starts again tomorrow. Can I say how much I'm looking forward to that? Yeah right. I'm still stressing about this assignment. How well I procrastinate.

Mind Versus Heart

Too often have people heard the term, "Think with your head, not your heart." An easy enough phrase, spouted casually when the need to make decisions arise. With all terms, it is much easier said than done. It is hard to separate well-meaning advice, for instance, from the emotional connotations or the way it is presented. It is part of the psychological makeup that makes humans uniquely human.

My dearest friend, Nat, postulates that "It is no secret that human beings are flawed creatures. But what is the greatest flaw in the design of human beings? Recently I have begun to wonder if emotions are perhaps our greatest imperfection. Think about it: as logically and as analytically we try to deal with the situations in our lives, we are often motivated intrinsically by our feelings. We thrive on love, we feed our anger, we ride the highs and lows of our lives. This is all good and well, but does it really make us efficient enough to deal with the complexities of our lives?"

Even the most rational of people would be hard-pressed to admit that their opinions are not the least bit prejudiced in a situation. Humanity is not maths. There is no black and white, but all the shades of grey. Rationality cuts things down to bare essentials, to black and white that allow people to see the extremes of a situation.

It is part of this that makes another's opinions, for instance, so much harder to swallow. In a potentially tense situation, the people involved are much too emotionally near to be able to see the situation as it is. The outside observer is usually more able to say things to effect, sizing up the situation as clearly as it is. As cold and callous as the observations might be, that is the effect of separating mind and emotion. Rationality has no emotion, it is pure logic, the train of thought stemmed from the analytical part of the brain.

Emotions have no right or wrong. It is just the way a person feels, and an individual cannot help feeling that way. It is raw humanity, instinct. Yet if an individual was to give in to their emotions, god help the world. Humanity at it's most primal. Subjected to the highs and lows of a fickle heart.

Humanity if flawed in its emotions, but therein lies the fact that makes humans so unique.

Relationships

It hurts when the people you love hit a rough patch and the road ahead seems to be fraught with disaster. It's painful when you have to be the one to try and make things clear. Even harder when the people involved are close to your heart.

Relationships are meant to be serious. While a younger person might not be able to reconcile with that fact, citing the need to maintain independence for themselves, it's unfair for the other party in the relationship. Where do the boundaries start and end? What happens when long term goals conflict with short term ones?

Freedom versus commitment. Weighing the pros and cons of being in a relationship is hard enough, making the decision to continue or end a relationship is even harder. All relationships have obstacles, and it is up to those people in that relationship to decide on the outcome. It's easy enough to cite in theory but the reality is all too hard. It's never easy telling it like it is. People too close to the relationship can't see it the way an impartial observer does.

It's amazing how much pain being in love can bring. How raw one can feel when the emotional connection is severed or not returned. The rollercoaster of being up or down in tandem with the relationship. And yet my life is so much more richer for the experience, for the tears I've cried and for the smiles I've shared. Shakespeare said it right when he said "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

Well, that's life for you. And as far as my personal relationships go, I'm leaving in God's hands. By the way, Brian and Nat, remember our pact! ;)

Birthday Memoirs

To my younger sister, who's now finally 18! Happy birthday, Khairun! Darling, 18 is so young! Enjoy it while it lasts! (This coming from a very new, cynical twenty year old, heh)...

The only part of my birthday that I didn't enjoy was the fact that I didn't get to celebrate it with all the people I care most about. Nik was off at some camp with the rest of my Malaysian friends, my Australian friends were all in different states, back home, and my best friends... were back in Malaysia.

I got choked up when my best friends and sister called from Malaysia to sing me my birthday song, and random e-mails /online birthday greetings/SMSes/phone calls from various people I partly expected and partly didn't made celebrating alone seem a lot less difficult.

As it would turn out with me being so bored... I went out and got a hair trim. With a shaggy fringe. What the hell was I thinking?! I suppose it looks alright... It's just that the upkeep it going to kill me, especially with the constant need to blowdry it correctly. Ack.

Happy birthday to me!

Rest and Relaxation

It's always good to get away for a bit after the hectic weeks of university classes. Initially I only meant to go down to Geelong as a favour to my best friend, who's due to start classes at the Deakin University Geelong campus (ooh, Pudtz, I can't wait!)... I happened to mention that fact casually in passing to my friend, Chris who lives in Geelong. To my surprise, he invited me to spend a couple of days as his guest!

Geelong has a reputation for being a bit of a hole to most Melbourne locals. To someone who's not from Australia, i.e. me, it seems like a whole new place to explore. I think Chris was very amused when I told him how excited I was to be visiting Geelong. His parents picked us up at the train station and I was initially a little apprehensive to be intruding on his trip back. I shouldn't have worried. His parents are incredibly warm people. I felt very much welcomed into the household.

He lives in this suburban house that reminds me of one of those old English houses. It's all red brick, with rose bushes in front, opposite the local post office. It's not just a house, it's a home. One of those places that you can relax in. His family reminds me a bit of the Brady bunch, for the lack of a better word. It's one of those ultra-functional families. His parents are total sweethearts; his dad makes coffee/tea/hot chocolate/Milo for the family, his mum cooks while they sit around and talk, his grandfather is almost blind and a bit hard of hearing, but totally adorable, and his younger brother is this good-natured guy with a penchance for random statements. There's an easy camaderie about them, an easy flow of conversation and the like.

We arrived in the evening, so we didn't really do anything until the next day. Chris took me out for a drive around the city while his mum made sticky buns (yum!). The city's a bit small, very quaint and beside the waterfront. There's not much of it, but it seems nice. Relaxed. The waterfront is definitely the best feature. There's a port of some sort and a slight stretch of beach, and has several restaurants beside the sea. Very laidback, very beachy. It's got all these random bollards of characters scattered around the area, which add to the beach atmosphere.

We also visited his old school, and I was struck my the difference between the schools here and in Malaysia. His school is gorgeous. Once again, very English castle-type thing going on. A lot like Harry Potter. I envy that. My old schools had ugly 70s architecture. Oh well, I digress.

I played midi-golf for the very first time! For the record, I wasn't very good. I digress. I absoulutely sucked (think totally missing the ball). Chris was very encouraging despite the fact that I took an average of 8 strokes to drop the ball into the hole. It was more fun than I gave credit for. Or maybe it was just our attitudes and the company. :)

It's nice getting a little rest and relaxation. I got a much needed break with a casual friend who's become a good friend, and got reminded a bit of being with a family unit, which I miss. Here's to good holidays.

Easter Break, Finally!

Mm... Thanks to my darling sister for helping me update the blog layout. :) Love you lots!

To add to my mild euphoria, the Easter holidays have just begun! As of 100 this afternoon, I am officially on holiday for a grand total of 10 days! Not much, but with the hectic pace of uni life, any break is very much welcomed.

I'm going down to Geelong with Chris for a couple of days, and he'll be showing me around. It's incredibly sweet of him, to offer his services as a 'tour guide', and his house for the night. I think he might be mildly amused by my exclamations of "Oh, I'm so excited!". But I am! It's different from a resident in Australia to go to another suburb. It doesn't hold the same charm and sense of adventure that it does for me.

I might head over to Chris's room now. Oh, I'm so excited!

Turning 20!

There's something about being approaching twenty that seems to have an ominous ring about it. Strange, how the mere change of the suffix 'teen' behind the word brings a distinct sense of bringing change... somehow losing the connotations of youth. I suppose turning twenty is symbolic of more that just age. No longer shall I be the fresh-faced teenager filled with youthful idealisms, turning twenty symbolizes another phase of my life. To quote Chris, "I'm not worried about crow's feet or aging, I'm wondering about the added responsibilities that come with it."

I suppose I am. Or am I really? I'm not sure what to expect.

I have no idea where or what I'll be doing on the 12th of April this year; but somehow I suspect it's going to be some 'me-time'. Most of my college friends have returned to their various states (with sincerest birthday wishes and the lot); most of my Malaysian friends will be attending the Autumn Gathering, which I don't quite have the energy to take part in this year. It'll be a day for self-pampering, that's for sure. :) I enjoy solitude sometimes... Although I like having people around, as evidenced by college life, I've lost out on the times I use to self-contemplate.

I want to sit on the green grass of the parks, underneath the blue skies of Melbourne with the sun shining , with no deadlines, no classes, no pressure to move or rush to any social activity whatsoever and just... sketch. Or read. Or sleep (Ive always wanted to sleep in the shade of a cool tree in the park). Mere things that people love doing... but somehow never make time for. Perhaps on my birthday my musings will be made into reality.

We'll see.