Aida Zabidi
Like any relationship, my husband and I have our moments of ups and downs. We have our flaws, like everyone else does and we're still learning to love each other through our own imperfections.

This article summed up my fears and insecurities about our relationship so beautifully that I just had to share.

Originally found here, in an article by Kirsten Corley.


Maybe you aren’t everything I think you are.

At least that’s what people tell me. They see everything you’ve done wrong. Every mistake you’ve made. Every moment you let me down. And I’m not blind to it. I’m not naive. Because I know you have flaws.

And the truth is as I get to know you more I see more clearly that you aren’t some perfect person I thought you were when we first met.

The truth is as you get to know people more you begin to see everything a little closer. Skin that might look perfect from afar, you might not notice has a scar with a story of how it got there. And that’s the beautiful thing about people, there is always more than that which scratches the surface.

And I enjoy learning everything about you. Even the bad stuff.

Because the truth is even with the flaws that prevail I still see everything good about you.

Even with every mistake you’ve made and stories of your past of things you can’t forgive yourself for, I look at it as something beautiful. Because all of it made you into the person you are today.

So if you’d let me I’d like to love you at your worst.
I’ll love you in those moments where you aren’t quite yourself and you don’t like the person looking back at you.
I’ll be there to remind who you are at your best and who it is you make me.

I’ll love you during those nights you’re a little too tired and you look a little exhausted from a long day and you don’t know how you’re going to wake up and do it again tomorrow.

I’ll be there to remind you I’m proud of you and everything you do.
I’ll love you when you’re angry, even though it’s a side very few people see.
I won’t try and fix it, I’ll just love you the best I know how to.

I’ll love you in your absence in the moments I wish you were standing beside me. I’ll understand that sometimes you can’t be and I will never hold it against you. Because I entered your life knowing very well there are things I’d come second to.

But the thing is with you, the juice is completely worth the squeeze.
Wherever I am and whatever I’m doing or whoever I’m with, in those moments we can’t be together, my heart is yours to have.
I’ll love in those moments you’re putting on some act to appease people and with one look across the room, I’ll know something is up.
I won’t ask what or press you for details but I’ll love you and listen when you’re ready to talk.

I’ll love you when you push me away and tell me you’re better off alone.

Because I won’t believe that for even a second. But what I do believe in is you and us and the person you make me and the way you make me feel standing beside you. That’s enough for me.
I’ll love you for the past you can’t seem to accept because when I look at you I see a future in your eyes looking back at me.
I’ll love you when you’re stressed and overwhelmed.
And I’ll do anything to try and help you even if there’s nothing I can do, may you find comfort in company and in knowing we are in this together.

As long as you continue to choose me every day, I’ll always be yours.

And if you let me I’ll love you through those tears I know you think you’re too strong to cry.
I’ll wipe them thinking nothing less of you.

I’ll love you in those moments you become that drunk version of yourself and if I have to I’ll let you be. I’ll let you have your nights as long as it’s me you wake up to in the morning.
I’ll love you through the confusion life throws at you and the moments you don’t understand. I’ll remind you it’s okay to feel that way.

I’ll love you when you want to change something big about your life. Go somewhere. Do something.

Because I’ve always believed in you. And I truly believe you can do anything.
You’ll always have someone in your corner.
In those moments where you hate yourself, I promise you I never will.
If ever you should let me, know I’ll always love you at your worst.
Because you at your worst is better than people’s best.
And if you let me I’ll love you with everything I have in me.

Because the honest truth is yes you have flaws but there is nothing I would ever change about you.

Everything you are, makes me so proud of who I am. Proud to be someone who is worthy of standing beside you. Someone who loves themselves a little more for the love and attention you’ve shown me.
And maybe you aren’t everything I think you are. Maybe you’re more than anything I could have expected in a person, everything I’ve ever wanted but couldn’t put into words. Everything I couldn’t even dream of because it wasn’t until you came did I realize someone could fill my life and heart, the way you have.
And if ever I’m so privileged and you should let me, I’ll love you forever and always.
Aida Zabidi

It's easy to exist.

We do it every day, without realizing. 

We wake up in the morning in our routines, caught up in every day life without realizing how life passes us by.  It's easy to do that, easy to just exist without finding that meaning to our existence. 

It's time to start living. 

Aida Zabidi
I turn a year older today.

It's funny how I don't feel 'old' or 'older'. When I graduated, the thought of turning thirty seemed like such a far away sight, and yet I'm thirty three.

In my younger years, I thought that life would follow a very linear progression - that I would start a career, marry and have children; start specialty training early and be financially secure. I thought I would travel the world.

Now that I've hit my thirties and my life hasn't exactly turned out the way I envisioned it being when I was younger - and yet I'm happy at how my life has gone.

I'm married but yet to have children.

I've yet to start specialty training but I'm thankful to have found a specialty that I love and want to do for the rest of my life. 

I'm fortunate that I've managed to travel to places that I never quite envisioned I would be able to when I was younger, or met the interesting people I have along the way. 

I may not have everything that I thought I would have, but I'm content.

Most of all, I cannot begin to articulate how thankful I am, at this point in my life, to be surrounded by the family and friends I've had. I have never gone a day without feeling how much I'm loved - truly loved by family and my husband (it's still a weird word to say), and that despite whatever happens, they will be there. 

I know I can pick up the phone at any time and say, "I need to talk," and someone will be there. 

I know there will always be someone to say those encouraging words, and to give hugs when needed; someone who will be interested in experiencing the world the way I want it to be experienced. 

For those who have been involved in my life, at some point of other, thank you for the times we've spent. I may be sentimental like that, but it's an unbelievable blessing to look back at the people who've surrounded me, and made my life so much more colourful for it. 

Here's to the years to come.
Aida Zabidi

For the longest time, being happy was a conscious decision that was always at the forefront of my mind. 

I was lucky that I had read a book called Seven Habits for Highly Effective Teens in my youth, and it contained so much good advice that I still apply to my life today - one of the most important pieces of advice that I thought was to find a 'centre', the guiding principles to live your life by. 

I chose to chase after happiness and inner peace, to wake up every day with the conscious choice to be happy, and it was a choice I never regretted.

It may seem strange, but it does work to an extent. 

Happiness truly can be a state of mind.
Aida Zabidi

Didn't we all have our moments where we would look at each other in anger and wonder why the hell we chose to stay together in the first place? In those moments of despair, we would pick at things and agonize and wonder why, why indeed we had ended up with someone less than perfect.

And yet, there are those days where we sit and look at each other and despite not being the beautiful, perfect individual of our fantasy lives, it is in those little imperfections that we grow to love, and grow to accept between the two of us - and that acceptance of those imperfections help us find ourselves in our love for each other.

Aida Zabidi
Apparently today is International Doctors Day. 

When I decided to embark on this journey, I couldn't quite foresee how extensive it would be, and how much I would be changed by the conscious choice to embrace the Hippocratic Oath. 

The field of medicine is so vast, and I'm forever thankful to have been exposed to wonderful mentors and had the opportunity to rotate around a variety of departments until I found a field to call my own. 

There is so much I have had the opportunity to learn as a doctor - to speak gently, to break bad news, to be able to stand by my patients in their grief, and on the other side of the spectrum, to share their joy and thankfulness. 

Sometimes the learning curve isn't just about the science and the knowledge. 

I learnt to dream big from my specialists in infectious disease, who played a crucial role in getting RVD drugs introduced and subsidized in Malaysia. I gained confidence and overcame a fear of public speaking through my orthopaedic postings. I learnt the importance of teamwork through my emergency rotation, and how to appreciate the importance of primary care through my community posting. 

I'm thankful to have had the opportunities I've had in my short career so far, and it's changed me as a person for the better. To my fellow colleagues, wherever you are and wherever you are going, it may seem like an uphill battle at times, and it may seem like the world doesn't quite understand - but medicine truly is a calling. 

Keep fighting the good fight. 

Happy Doctors Day!
Aida Zabidi

As much as there are positive role models, there is also the opposite.  

There were people I'd met and understood exactly that I didn't want to be what they were like - certain personality traits that made me turn away from them.

Some people feel like they cannot change themselves, but I believe that you can project the person you want to be. I believe you have the power to choose the behaviours you want to adapt to a situation, that you can become the person you want to be.

You have to learn from those around you, both from the positive and the negative.
Aida Zabidi

Don't be scared to walk alone - and to like it. 

It's been so long since I've been alone that I've started to forget what it was like by my own. I don't know if I have the strength anymore, or the courage to break free from the overwhelming anxiety that I'm starting to feel. 

May Allah give me strength.
Aida Zabidi

I used to live by the motto - never regret. Each choice I've made was one with full consciousness, and I told myself that I would be fully prepared to embrace the consequences that come with the weight of these actions.

Now I'm older though, and the luxury of time and age is something that seems to hang heavily over my shoulders - there are decisions I've looked back and wondered what went through my mind when I did make them.

I do wonder, why only now am I starting to feel these twinges of regret?

Is it age? Is it the maturity that comes with experience?  

They made me who I am today, for sure, but they were difficult and painful decisions that I wish my past self didn't have to make.

I probably have to reach deep inside myself and find the insecurities, to take the time to learn to love myself again. I don't know where along this road where I began to doubt, but as with many things, it is the small subtle changes that sometimes creep up and cause the change in perception. 

Some positive thoughts needed, stat!