And If You Let Me, I’ll Love You At Your Worst

Like any relationship, my husband and I have our moments of ups and downs. We have our flaws, like everyone else does and we're still learning to love each other through our own imperfections.

This article summed up my fears and insecurities about our relationship so beautifully that I just had to share.

Originally found here, in an article by Kirsten Corley.

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Maybe you aren’t everything I think you are.

At least that’s what people tell me. They see everything you’ve done wrong. Every mistake you’ve made. Every moment you let me down. And I’m not blind to it. I’m not naive. Because I know you have flaws.

And the truth is as I get to know you more I see more clearly that you aren’t some perfect person I thought you were when we first met.

The truth is as you get to know people more you begin to see everything a little closer. Skin that might look perfect from afar, you might not notice has a scar with a story of how it got there. And that’s the beautiful thing about people, there is always more than that which scratches the surface.

And I enjoy learning everything about you. Even the bad stuff.

Because the truth is even with the flaws that prevail I still see everything good about you.

Even with every mistake you’ve made and stories of your past of things you can’t forgive yourself for, I look at it as something beautiful. Because all of it made you into the person you are today.

So if you’d let me I’d like to love you at your worst.

I’ll love you in those moments where you aren’t quite yourself and you don’t like the person looking back at you.
 I’ll be there to remind who you are at your best and who it is you make me.

I’ll love you during those nights you’re a little too tired and you look a little exhausted from a long day and you don’t know how you’re going to wake up and do it again tomorrow. 

I’ll be there to remind you I’m proud of you and everything you do.

I’ll love you when you’re angry, even though it’s a side very few people see.

I won’t try and fix it, I’ll just love you the best I know how to.

I’ll love you in your absence in the moments I wish you were standing beside me. I’ll understand that sometimes you can’t be and I will never hold it against you. Because I entered your life knowing very well there are things I’d come second to.

But the thing is with you, the juice is completely worth the squeeze.

Wherever I am and whatever I’m doing or whoever I’m with, in those moments we can’t be together, my heart is yours to have.

I’ll love in those moments you’re putting on some act to appease people and with one look across the room, I’ll know something is up.

I won’t ask what or press you for details but I’ll love you and listen when you’re ready to talk.

I’ll love you when you push me away and tell me you’re better off alone.

Because I won’t believe that for even a second. But what I do believe in is you and us and the person you make me and the way you make me feel standing beside you. That’s enough for me.

I’ll love you for the past you can’t seem to accept because when I look at you I see a future in your eyes looking back at me.

I’ll love you when you’re stressed and overwhelmed.

And I’ll do anything to try and help you even if there’s nothing I can do, may you find comfort in company and in knowing we are in this together.

As long as you continue to choose me every day, I’ll always be yours.

And if you let me I’ll love you through those tears I know you think you’re too strong to cry,
I’ll wipe them thinking nothing less of you.

I’ll love you in those moments you become that drunk version of yourself and if I have to I’ll let you be. I’ll let you have your nights as long as it’s me you wake up to in the morning.

I’ll love you through the confusion life throws at you and the moments you don’t understand. I’ll remind you it’s okay to feel that way.

I’ll love you when you want to change something big about your life. Go somewhere. Do something. Because I’ve always believed in you. And I truly believe you can do anything.You’ll always have someone in your corner.

In those moments where you hate yourself, I promise you I never will.

If ever you should let me, know I’ll always love you at your worst.

Because you at your worst is better than people’s best. And if you let me I’ll love you with everything I have in me.

Because the honest truth is yes you have flaws but there is nothing I would ever change about you.

Everything you are, makes me so proud of who I am. Proud to be someone who is worthy of standing beside you. Someone who loves themselves a little more for the love and attention you’ve shown me.

And maybe you aren’t everything I think you are. Maybe you’re more than anything I could have expected in a person, everything I’ve ever wanted but couldn’t put into words. Everything I couldn’t even dream of because it wasn’t until you came did I realize someone could fill my life and heart, the way you have.

And if ever I’m so privileged and you should let me, I’ll love you forever and always.

Waking Up

I watch him sleep. 

He seems so peaceful, a peace that is seldom apparent in his waking moments. It is only when he is truly at rest that the worry seems to fall away from his face, in the soft light of the morning sun. He turns his face away from the rays of the sun to catch a few more moments of sleep as he sleepily reaches for my hand, seeking the familiar warmth even in these half-awake moments. 

There is something serene about watching him in his sleep with the steady rise and fall of his chest; being able to see a part of him that he seldom shows. It is a private moment between us, an intimacy that only those closest to him are privy to. It is a part of him away from the worries of the world in those short moments between sleep and arousal.

His eyes flutter open when he realizes that I am already awake. 

“Good morning,” he smiles, and my heart flutters in my chest the same way it does every morning when I see him wake up. 

Moments like this it feels like my emotions will overflow.

The Food Controller

My husband tends to overeat.

Slightly before we got married, I started taking an active part in controlling his portions after he realized he could no longer fit into any of his trousers for work – and he willingly allowed me to do so. It became a habit between us, and a bit of a joke as time went on. 

I would always gently remind my husband that he had enough rice on his plate, only to have my mother object and tell him he could have more. To give Behr some credit, he would sneak a look at me with a cheeky smile and regretfully decline. 

It did become interesting after awhile, seeing how people’s reactions were to my portion control, especially in a society where one is encouraged to eat, and feeding the ones around you are akin to a type of love. 

So much so that it is often said that men tend to put on weight after marriage as a sign of contentment. I would laugh off this comment, and firmly tell people that it just wasn’t going to happen. 

As much as it may be a sign of affection, my idea of love is to keep my loved ones healthy and fit. From the very beginning I told my husband how important it was to me for us both to have a healthy lifestyle, and he grudgingly follows me intermittently to my yoga classes and eats relatively well. 

In an age where lifestyle related diseases are rife in our community, it was a conscious decision on my part to live as healthy a lifestyle as we could. 

Regardless of how people may raise an eyebrow whenever I tell my husband he’s having too much rice when we’re in public, at the end of the day it was a decision we both made to honour, and it remains a mutual understanding in our relationship.

Change After Marriage

"He'll be different after marriage, trust me. Marriage changes a man." 

Everyone says people change after marriage. 

I find this a strange contradiction. Why would you marry someone just to expect them to change? Or rather, why would you enter something as binding as marriage on a gamble that a person's

There are so many instances where people have said, even jokingly, how individuals will change once they are married. So many stories where partners marry each other in attempts to salvage a relationship, or in the belief that marriage will change a person. 

I don’t think that people change their characteristics. They might become better at working on their strengths and weaknesses, but they rarely essentially change who they are inside. There will always be certain things that you will love or hate about your partner, but how important are those characteristics, and which ones are the things that you absolutely cannot live with? 

You should enter a relationship with clear expectations of your partner. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and neither does it happen when there is no communication. The most important thing is to understand that both are different individuals, and neither are mind readers.

As it is, I fully expect my partner to remain the messy fellow that he is. It isn’t a dealbreaker – and in the meantime I’ll have to talk to him into realizing that the floor generally shouldn’t be covered with stuff.

The Cycle

Without communication, there is no relationship. Without respect, there is no love.
Without trust, there is no reason to continue.

Old Love Letters

I remember those love letters. 

It was long ago now, and the one who wrote them to me is now happily married but I still remember them, and those beautiful words he said. I remembered how he would use the exact same paper with the exact same pen, how he first gave them to me in their nice crisp unmarked envelopes. A presentation much too clinical for the content within. 

He wrote so beautifully, and sometimes when I’m having an off day, I re-read them, and marvel at the rose coloured glasses he must have seen me through. It is rare these days for someone to still write, and to possess the vocabulary of a poet; and I smile at the memory of the times we once spent together. 

They were wonderful memories, of late night talks in moonlight, and good company. It seemed like we never ran out of things to say, and that the time spent together was that wonderful rare friendship that would spring out of nowhere – at least until desire entered the picture. 

How confusing desire can be in a relationship that started off between friends. We tried for a little bit, but my heart was not there, and it was a love story that was not to be. It was something that I think about with a lot of fondness and I trust that the past has happened the way it did for reasons that are beyond the two of us. 

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams,” he said. 

Thank you for the memory that once was. 

I wish you the blessings of the love that you once wrote to me about. 

I hope you never stop writing these words, and that you never have to wake up from the beautiful dream of your reality.

Financial Rules for Women in Relationships

Despite only being in the workforce for a few years, I have come across too many women who have undergone divorce and been left high and dry by their husbands. There are too many stories, too many real life incidences where husbands have cheated on their wives while abusing the joint assets that they have had during their marriage, often leaving women to fend for their children. 

It is a scary reality where women make the sacrifice to stay home and care for their children, only to have their husbands leave them in the future, or have them trapped in a situation where they are dependent financially on their husbands and forced to endure emotional or physical abuse. 

It makes me wonder if there is a certain naiveté among women, of if they just lack the financial savviness to protect themselves and their families. 

While being in a relationship, there is a natural tendency to want to please the other person, finances is one particular issue that can make or break a relationship – and it is really important that couples should discuss before embarking unto a serious relationship. 

In Islam, there is a responsibility of the husband to provide for his wife and family, which is all fair and good – but it is an expensive society that we live in, and often it is not possible to sustain an income on one wage. I’m not even getting started on leeches who live off the income of their spouses and don’t contribute, cause that’s a whole other rant I could get started on there. 

These are some practical tips that women should learn to live by: 

1. Be aware of your partner’s income. 

I’m not saying that you should keep track of every single dollar he owns, but there should be an honest discussion about the family income and what allocation is given to the home. An open discussion between both partners about family expenses is useful to help with planning a budget, so that both parties are aware as to the bills that need to be paid and the amount allocated for savings. 

2. Negotiate money for yourself. 

Working or not, this should be essential. Part of this money should be put in savings, insurance or invested. God forbid, but if anything should happen to your partner, you need to plan to make sure you are able to support your family unit on your own. 

3. Make sure you have a skill or a qualification that will allow you to work. 

 Once again, case in point if anything should happen to your partner, it is important to be able to provide for yourself and the family. Even venturing into a side business for some extra income should be encouraged. 

4. Include two names on your property grants 

 It is always a good idea to include both you and your partner’s name for your shared property (unless it is your own, then by all means only include your name). Always get a second opinion from a trusted source about changing names to a single grant, as this makes it easier for the other party to sell off or conduct other transactions without your knowledge. 

There are a whole other heap of useful tips to go by, but in the very least, these are some simple things to live by.

While I don’t mean to sow discord or go on a man-bash, finances is one of the most important things to be aware of in your relationship and being financially savvy puts you in a stronger situation for yourself, and in a lot of times, your relationship. These rules aren't necessarily specific to women, but as I was thinking specifically about the sad situation that many women are in, I guess this was geared towards them.

Be smart, and always think – if I were alone tomorrow, where would I be financially?

Check and Balance

There’s a certain melancholia in my heart tonight. 

A certain mistrust. 

Ah, the feeling of opening up your heart again, only to have it treated so carelessly, as if the other person had no idea how razor sharp the pain of indifference is. The feeling of having your heart treated carelessly, with a disregard born of ignorance. 

How awful the creeping of doubts into your mind, the silent whisper of what-if’s and what-will-be’s. The poison of your own insecurities that threaten to overwhelm actual issues that could be solved with open communication. 

Calm down, dear heart. 

Let us look at the stars instead. 

Doubts will always be constant, but do not let them overpower your heart. 

It is essential to keep an open mind, lest the pillars of trust crumble to unfounded doubts.

Removing These Blocks

Sometimes the trials of being in an adult relationship is difficult. 

Nothing seems more difficult than trying to integrate oneself with another family. No matter how independent I have become, or how much I have grown into adulthood, there is still that feeling of awkwardness which seems to persist when I meet parents. 

I have never been particularly good with crowds or authority; there is always this remnant of restlessness that stems from a general discomfort of anything associated with power figures. 

Recently I’ve realized that it’s probably essential to start learning to get to know Bear’s parents, and although the two of them are perfectly nice, there is an element that feels slightly forced – perhaps if only because it is the deliberate effort of trying to get to know individuals within limited time frames. 

It was easier in the early days of hanging out where the relationship between Bear and I was still in a platonic stage, where we had yet to define ourselves as any sort of commitment. Now we have decided to commit, it’s an active process of realizing that we need to integrate into each other’s families, and while I see them often enough to have actual conversations, ever since we've spoken about getting to know each other's families a little bit better, I have to admit there seems to be a panic button that seems to have gone off in my head.

I guess it’s just a mental block in my mind, the type I get whenever I think about commitment. 

I’ve been so commitment phobic for so long that I didn’t realize that I’ve just been putting certain things in between me and any sort of possible long term relationship. I

It’s time to remove those blocks.