Go After Her

“Go after her. 

 

Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. 

 

There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. 

 

Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really.” -Harvey Milk

Quotes: Travel Makes One Modest

 

"Travel makes one modest. You see what a tiny place you occupy in the world." -Gustave Flaubert

I'm having travel withdrawals.

I think I've left a part of myself in the desert.

Re-Direction

As painful as it seemed at the time, it always led to something better.

Have faith.

Do More Than Exist

 

It's easy to exist.

We do it every day, without realizing. 

We wake up in the morning in our routines, caught up in every day life without realizing how life passes us by.  It's easy to do that, easy to just exist without finding that meaning to our existence. 

It's time to start living. 

Find

Make Yourself Happy

For the longest time, being happy was a conscious decision that was always at the forefront of my mind. 

I was lucky that I had read a book called Seven Habits for Highly Effective Teens in my youth, and it contained so much good advice that I still apply to my life today - one of the most important pieces of advice that I thought was to find a 'centre', the guiding principles to live your life by. 

I chose to chase after happiness and inner peace, to wake up every day with the conscious choice to be happy, and it was a choice I never regretted.

It may seem strange, but it does work to an extent. 

Happiness truly can be a state of mind.

Fleeting Love

 

Didn't we all have our moments where we would look at each other in anger and wonder why the hell we chose to stay together in the first place? In those moments of despair, we would pick at things and agonize and wonder why, why indeed we had ended up with someone less than perfect.

And yet, there are those days where we sit and look at each other and despite not being the beautiful, perfect individual of our fantasy lives, it is in those little imperfections that we grow to love, and grow to accept between the two of us - and that acceptance of those imperfections help us find ourselves in our love for each other.

Who I Don't Want to Be

 

As much as there are positive role models, there is also the opposite.  

There were people I'd met and understood exactly that I didn't want to be what they were like - certain personality traits that made me turn away from them.

Some people feel like they cannot change themselves, but I believe that you can project the person you want to be. I believe you have the power to choose the behaviours you want to adapt to a situation, that you can become the person you want to be.

You have to learn from those around you, both from the positive and the negative.

Don't Be Scared

 

Don't be scared to walk alone - and to like it. 

It's been so long since I've been alone that I've started to forget what it was like by my own. I don't know if I have the strength anymore, or the courage to break free from the overwhelming anxiety that I'm starting to feel. 

May Allah give me strength.

No Regrets

 

I used to live by the motto - never regret. Each choice I've made was one with full consciousness, and I told myself that I would be fully prepared to embrace the consequences that come with the weight of these actions.

Now I'm older though, and the luxury of time and age is something that seems to hang heavily over my shoulders - there are decisions I've looked back and wondered what went through my mind when I did make them.

I do wonder, why only now am I starting to feel these twinges of regret?

Is it age? Is it the maturity that comes with experience?  

They made me who I am today, for sure, but they were difficult and painful decisions that I wish my past self didn't have to make.

I probably have to reach deep inside myself and find the insecurities, to take the time to learn to love myself again. I don't know where along this road where I began to doubt, but as with many things, it is the small subtle changes that sometimes creep up and cause the change in perception. 

Some positive thoughts needed, stat!

Don't Rush

 

You can't rush something you want to last forever - but what if you lack the emotional maturity for delayed gratification? 

What if you want it right now?

And why is it so hard?

The Right Path

 

Wouldn't it be easy if we knew which paths to take - the ones that would have the least resistance, and the ones that would cost us the least hurt?

At the moment I'm reaching crossroads in my life, and I honestly do wonder if it would be easier to be selfish and walk away, but I know in my heart of hearts that the right path isn't always the easiest one. 

Mind you, I don't even know if this is the right path at all, but it's one that I've chosen, and I will walk it through until I can no longer walk that path.

Dreamer

 

We all have the right to dream. 

Some say don't quit your day job - well, I say don't quit your day dream.

Different, But the Same

 

 When I was younger,  I always wanted to be different.

I'm not entirely sure how I got it into my head that being different was better, infinitely more interesting than being another person in the crowd. 

It was a blessing that got me through my teenage years without too much angst about being bullied for how I looked, or being looked at for how I spoke - I was relatively comfortable in my skin and I found friends who appreciated that individuality as much I did.

"They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same."

Now we're older, I find that one doesn't have to fight to stand out or to be too different, and that there are times where you should reach out and find the similarities within.

Now we're older and wiser, let's all find ways to laugh together instead.

Imperfect

 

Didn't we all have our moments where we would look at each other in anger and wonder why the hell we chose to stay together in the first place? In those moments of despair, we would pick at things and agonize and wonder why, why indeed we had ended up with someone less than perfect.

And yet, there are those days where we sit and look at each other and despite not being the  beautiful, perfect individual of our fantasy lives, it is in those little imperfections that we grow to love, and grow to accept between the two of us - and that acceptance of those imperfections help us find ourselves in our love for each other.

Courage

 

Sometimes the scariest thing is to cast your eyes away from all that is familiar in order to head towards the horizon, not knowing what lies ahead.

Finding that courage can be the most difficult thing in the world, but look within your heart.

You will find the courage to do what you truly want.

Cinderella

 

Sometimes your Cinderella may have wanted exactly what she asked for, no more, no less.

Look to the Future

 

"One thing with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us." - Michael Cibenko

I couldn't find much about the mysterious Michael, asides from the fact that he was an English teacher in Japan, but this quote resonated with me. Sometimes it truly is as he said, that we are so firmly fixed in our pasts that we lack the ability to move forward.

Well, it's time to look forward. 

Look to the future.

Merry Christmas

 

You've truly bewitched me, Christmas - with your promises of snow and carols, of kindred spirit and children's laughter, with your fairy lights and Christmas trees and the thought of good cheer and holiday spirit!

Merry Christmas all. 

May you be celebrating with those you love!

Aim

 

Traveling always makes me feel this way - halfway between a dream and reality, and it always makes me reflect on where I was and if it is a path that I want to walk. 

It's a dream to take a year off and travel, one that I wish I had the guts to do in my younger years - and it's a dream that I must put on hold for awhile, but one that I will definitely go back to in the future, God willing.

In the meantime, it's okay not have no idea where I'm going.

 

Be True

Be who you are, not who the world wants you to be.

Don't throw away your life trying to please others, only to find yourself consumed with regret in your later years.

It takes courage to stand up to the world, but even more to stand up to your fears.

Be true to yourself.

It's worth it.