Removing These Blocks

Sometimes the trials of being in an adult relationship is difficult. 

Nothing seems more difficult than trying to integrate oneself with another family. No matter how independent I have become, or how much I have grown into adulthood, there is still that feeling of awkwardness which seems to persist when I meet parents. 

I have never been particularly good with crowds or authority; there is always this remnant of restlessness that stems from a general discomfort of anything associated with power figures. 

Recently I’ve realized that it’s probably essential to start learning to get to know Bear’s parents, and although the two of them are perfectly nice, there is an element that feels slightly forced – perhaps if only because it is the deliberate effort of trying to get to know individuals within limited time frames. 

It was easier in the early days of hanging out where the relationship between Bear and I was still in a platonic stage, where we had yet to define ourselves as any sort of commitment. Now we have decided to commit, it’s an active process of realizing that we need to integrate into each other’s families, and while I see them often enough to have actual conversations, ever since we've spoken about getting to know each other's families a little bit better, I have to admit there seems to be a panic button that seems to have gone off in my head.

I guess it’s just a mental block in my mind, the type I get whenever I think about commitment. 

I’ve been so commitment phobic for so long that I didn’t realize that I’ve just been putting certain things in between me and any sort of possible long term relationship. I

It’s time to remove those blocks.