Aida Zabidi
A skier I am not.

That was the thought that flashed through my head as I hurtled downhill in the cold, icy slope, trying to desperately regain any sense of control I could over my skis - and that was just on the beginners slope!

My heart stopped every time I turned a bend, and gravity would increase the momentum, and I would go faster and faster, beyond whatever control I wished for, and those moments where I felt I was flying out of control on these pieces of fiberglass, like the feeling of being on a rollercoaster - only that I was the rollercoaster, those were the moments that made me realise how truly uncomfortable I am when I am out of control. 

There is often some degree of skill involved, naturally, and I did not expect to be any good at my first attempt.

Perhaps it didn't help that it rained and snowed, and visibility was at a minimum. 

However, there were moments when I was going down the slope that I was sincerely and truly afraid, that I wanted to break down and cry because it scared me so badly, on some primal level, and I couldn't even articulate why - couldn't even explain it to anyone why exactly I was so afraid.

But I was afraid, that moment in the snow, hurtling out of control being barely able to see through the snow around the next bend, and I cried that night, cried in bed for a fear that I could not put words to, cried for a fear that I was embarrassed to share.

I think it was a control thing, and nothing scared me more than that feeling that I was not in control at all. 

Even in fear, there is enlightenment.

2 Responses
  1. I *know* you are a control freak. But didn't you feel, in that moment of snow and ice, so exquisitely and utterly alive?? :)

  2. LOl. Unfortunately not. Never been an adrenaline junkie. ^_^'

    Maybe if I didn't feel like I was going to die I would've enjoyed it more.

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