Connection

The feeling of home is something intangible, one of those vague connections that make you feel like you're part of something bigger than what or who you are.

Being in a country like Australia, being away from home, my own identity has been unwittingly built around those who I have had the fortune to associate with, a group of people who have changed throughout the years but I have always connected with.

They formed that tenuous link to who I was, and who I am, a replacement family of sorts for the ones that I left behind.

As I prepare myself to leave this country, I find my final year somewhat emotional.

I am looking forward to go back to Malaysia, with all my heart and soul. The years I have spent here have enriched me, but have also strengthened my resolve that Malaysia truly is my homeland, and have somehow instilled in me a patriotic streak of sorts, as unvocal as I am about it.

Nevertheless, saying goodbye is never easy, and I find myself delving too much into my headspace, feeling slighted over small things and perhaps, not quite coping well with those social connections that I am starting to form a love-hate relationship with. 

Can't live with them, can't live without.

I'm half torn about saying goodbye right here right now and cutting all emotional ties, something a good friend of mine once did. The days where I used to put myself through pain for the long term isn't something that I am able to do anymore, and sometimes it feels like the heartache of severing those long term connections should be something short and swift, rather than this maladaptive process that I seem to be undergoing.

Unwanted, unneeded and overemotional.

The connections one has to their country is often psychological, and the feeling of being part of that is something that is essential, that feeling of being needed, the feeling of coming home, and home is often where the heart is.

Here's to you, Malaysia, on your 53rd Independence Day.

May everyone feel as if they were truly a part of you, instead of an outsider looking in. No matter where in the world you are., I hope you feel that glimmer of pride when you sing the National Anthem. We are a young country, and one that is going through a process of revolution, and we need our people to be united, not divided by our criticism.

Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.

Here's to those connections to you Malaysia. May they burrow deep in our souls and into our hearts.