Aida Zabidi
Sometimes I really have to wonder about the decisions I make about my love life - if the choices are questionable indeed.

There are times when I leap, unfettered by social norms, just doing before actually thinking things through - that rare, sudden streak of impulsivity that tends to surface at the most inconvenient of times, and sometimes leads me to the most incongruous of decisions. These times are also sometimes the happiest times of my life - times when I throw caution to the winds and live, and love instinctively, fully.

Most times I tend to overthink - but it is when I do that I fall into organized routine, of things that I should be doing, of the person that I perceive I should be. These times are tranquil and peaceful, but there usually comes a moment where my underlying wild child breaks free and I'm forced to admit that there is more that I want, more that I need in order to find happiness.

I worry that I will never find that balance - that I will forever swing between the two states of awareness like a child on a seesaw playing by herself, forever having to pick a side in order to hold on to the ride.

I question myself so much at times.

At the moment I can only rely on the sage advice of others and hope that they can help support me through my uncertainties and counsel me through my impulsivity.

3 Responses
  1. Anonymous Says:

    love is beyond reason and sometimes unreasonable but not without a choice. what is a life without a risk and adventures ? I trust that the hearts never lied even it is in pain ?

  2. khUthU Says:

    gudness. i use the same analogue of seesaw-played-alone in striking a balance.

    its achievable, but tiring. and thats the whole deal of it. perhaps thats how people grow old - by never getting tired of it. i long for the silent road and the meaningful smile.

    then, there are times u dont do anything about it. one end down. gently on its own, unless the wind or the naughty boys.

    n then u do it again coz its the only fun you can have when ur playing on ur own.

    your life is ur job. how would u like that. cheers!

  3. Haizrin Says:

    that's why some people say, do not over analyze love and the matters of heart. Just take it as it is and play along.

    Two people can be so in love one minute and not so in the next. I confess that right now I am happily married but once in awhile I do read up on syariah laws, not excluding the laws on divorce

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