Aida Zabidi
Fate acts in strange ways.

I somehow feel at a loss - as if his presence is a chance to do something, to say something. It's a strange thought thinking that I am, perhaps, responsible for the wellbeing of someone who I hate so much.

Because I do.

I hate him for the things he has done to her.

I don't know if I can ever forgive him.

I hope she never reads this because I know she loves him, and the neutral part of me tells me to be gentle with her, and gentle with him - and advise them for the best, because life is but a learning process and everyone needs to learn.

Even the bastards of the world.

Love is blind indeed and god works in mysterious ways.

It is beyond me to be intentionally cruel - as much as I try. The worse I can do is feign indifference, but my natural inclination is to be sociable, as I've found out.

I could be cruel. Very cruel.

I could leave him to fend for himself in the streets of Melbourne, to sleep God knows where. I could let him lose himself and wander around in fear of getting lost in this strange new country, and let paranoia dictate his actions so he never really fully enjoys his stay. I could exact revenge in so many other ways - to let him stay but extract a price for his lodging, and to make it very clear that he is at my mercy. I could make things very very uncomfortable. God knows I've watched enough bad American TV to do a pretty good impression of a bitch.

I could be cruel.

Part of me wants to exact revenge for her, because if she doesn't and she never will, and someone else pretty damn well should.

A part of me knows his actions spring from ignorance, and she remains a part of that for letting him treat her that way. It is obvious in the way he speaks, and the way he thinks - obvious in their relationship together. Sometimes things are so bloody obvious that I want to throw up.

At the end of the day, people need to learn from their mistakes.

It is not for me to judge. At this point, I am merely his hostess. For some twist of fate, I have opened my hospitality to him, by himself, without her - and I am not only forced to grin and bear it, but also extend the same courtesy as I do to others who have graced my home. God works in mysterious ways.

I can only pray for their happiness.

But part of me doesn't want to.
2 Responses

  1. sometimes people never listen..
    when you say no, you mean no..
    that its time to move on.

    but its ok. I accept my role in all of this and the picture painted of me as well. If it is to be, then it shall.

    lol. as they say, even if its not about you, siapa makan cili, dia terasa pedas.


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