Spiral

Few things are harder in life than watching your loved one suffer.

Silent suffering of an individual whose fate is wrenched out of his hands, whose life has been turned upside down in the span of an email. His life really has turned upside down and his fate held in the hands of a man. And nothing is worse than having someone else control your fate.

For all our optimism and fighting spirit, the efforts we are continually struggling with, a part of me cannot help but feel as if we are going against insurmountable odds. Against an entity that cannot be seen. Against a corporation. And unfortunately, corporations have no heart, no sympathy, no empathy. Corporations see things in black and white, removed from emotion and the lack of that humanity does not bode well for our case. He could not help being ill right smack in the middle of his exams and the timing of that threw him off everything. I know how difficult it must be for him, how unjust that in this twist of fate his ill health was not taken into consideration.

I know how he feels, I have been in a similar situation before. But times change, and I was lucky. He is not as lucky as I was, so we cannot do anything but appeal and appeal again and pray that someone is reasonable enough to read our plea and agree with the circumstances.

I feel so helpless and angry and frustrated. Angry that they are not more reasonable in the process. Frustrated at the lack of help we are receiving from the very person who should be helping us. And helpless, despite all the optimism I can muster, there are those times in the night when I fall quiet and imagine the repercussions of the suspension. Of last minute efforts, of wishing I knew someone who could make a difference. Of even, unlocking the secret we both hold.

It feels like our time together is in an hourglass, and the sand is trickling much too fast for my liking. I don't know what I'd do if he left.

I cannot cry.