Analysis...

I looked through the photos I have accumulated this year today. Watching the slideshow on my laptop, I realise that my whole second year seems to be one long, never-ending party. In retrospect, college has improved my social life to no end. There's no lack of plans, no lack of friends, no lack of things to do when you're bored. The good part is that you'll always be able to round up a couple of people and do something, no matter how last minute things are.

Once, I would have said that I manage to keep my academic life and my social life on a fairly balanced level. I would have said that I put in a reasonable amount of work and keep the partying to a fair minimum. Perhaps my social activities would include the occasional dinner out with friends, or getting together to play games, or have coffee out following a movie. Something laidback, and wholesome, and fun. There was always the occasional huge night out of major partying, and the late mornings back, but those were rare and in between.

The past couple of weeks though, it seems like those wild nights have totally dominated my social life. The extremeties of spending whole nights awake with nothing but adrenaline pumping through my veins, with disco balls and drunken friends seem to have shifted to the forefront. I would have never pegged myself as a party animal, but the events of the previous weeks might suggest otherwise to an outsider. Caught up in the flow, languidly passing the nights away in the frenzy of the social calendar, stopping only to lazily evaluate how many hours I can survive without much needed sleep.

I am tired out and sick. My body is telling me something, and I'm not listening very well. It's almost self-destructive, in a way, how I choose to ignore my body telling me that I need to stay in and rest, and that three nights in a row with minimal sleep isn't too good for me.

I've always been the responsible one. The one who knew herself, and the right things to do. The one who knew enough was enough.. and perhaps now I'm sick of being that person. I want to do things I've never done before, live life the way I know I'll never live it in my future. I have never been this way. Perhaps I've tapped into my dark side. Perhaps I've tasted the thrill of living on the edge and I enjoy it.

Perhaps I enjoy it a bit too much.