Uncertainty and Anticipation

Went to Raiyan's house today for lunch... OMG, it's been ages since I've had nasi ayam! I'm so full now though.. Couldn't resist the lure of all that good food. Mmm... It was nice seeing everyone again, although I wish everyone could've stayed longer. It's like that nowadays. Are the days getting shorter or do I just have less time?

It's been ages since I've hung out with Nik. Amazing. She lives beside me and some days actually go by without me talking to her sometimes. We've got our own schedules now, I suppose. I don't know. It's not like we're any less of good friends or anything of that sort. We're just always busy.

Time is like a curse; it seems to go by so quickly now. Quick. Like there aren't enough hours in a day. Not enough hours to spend with the people I love. Not enough hours to do the things I want to do. I'm always so tired. There are just too many people, too many things, and I feel stressed for no reason. Stressed because I want to keep in touch, and stressed because I can't. It's something unreasonable I'm putting myself through.

Why?

It's like I'm thinking too much too fast and it's all not computing in my head. Nothing makes sense anymore, my concentration levels have just dropped. It's like thinking of a hundred things at one go and not being able to piece them together. And I can't piece them together. It's all totally random now, little pieces of a jigsaw that refuse to cooperate.

I feel restless. Uneasy.. Like I'm waiting for something to happen and I don't know what, and the anticipation keeps me on edge. I feel like there's darkness looming ahead. Not darkness as in bad times. But a period of me having to face situations I'm in with deeper meanings. It's almost like I'm a spectator watching myself live through my life. That's how it feels. Unusually separated. Strange, considering how I've never been more content. Still, there's something going to happen.

Something big.

Something which worries me.

I'm not confused. If anything, I'm hyper-sensitive, hyper-aware of things. It's almost as if I'm waiting for my to come out of a coccoon I've been in, as if something is going to change me. For good or worse, I don't know. It's that keen edge of wanting, that sharp sense of anticipation before the plunge, that thrilling rush of adrenaline before it all envelopes you and life rushes by so fast, so soon that you're a different person without even realising it.

I may wait forever... but I still retain that shred of hope.