Aware

There is a certain numbness one goes through when hearing the harsh words of others.

Things have a way of coming back to you, of the things that other people have said behind your back, of conjuncture regarding things that should not have been said in the first place. 

I was once involved in student events, and being part of a team has truly enriched my life as a student here in Melbourne. I do not know if I was regarded as a good member of the committees I sat on, but I have always tried my hardest, and my commitment was always to the organization and the people for whom the events were for.

I have always preferred to be in the background, to run the roles more suited to me, rather than be the figurehead of an organization. 

The irony then, hearing about the personal conjuncture and conspiracy theories about my personal character from Organization X in an official capacity of sorts. 

I was said to be power hungry, and threatened of the growing strength of said organization, therefore leading me to make certain administrative decisions to change the structure and involvements of an event I was running.

I was personally accused of damaging Organization X, from my personal actions. 

I was supposedly the puppetmaster controlling the strings of Organization Y.

How strange to think that I had all that so-called power, and was supposedly afraid of those so-called threats. 

I could have had power. I say that without the least bit of artifice - but it's true, through a combination of personal skills and the lack of interest from other quarters. I could've had any damned presidency I wanted, but I chose not to - because I believed that there would be others who would benefit more from those roles, and I felt like I could grow more in other roles myself.

I don't know if I should be surprised that people talk. It is the nature of people to speculate, and it's the nature of politics, which is something I doubt one can ever truly run away from without totally sidestepping anything that requires hierarchy or collective decisions.

There will always be people involved who you thought would speak up, but stay silent in times of need, and you will learn who they are - and there will always be people who will listen and accept what was said as fact. And lastly, there are the people who are the perpetrators of words and agendas, and it is up to you with how you choose to deal with it.

I cannot blame those who stay silent when their words are overpowered by those who are stronger personalities.

I cannot blame those who do not care, because to them it is a story about a person they do not know, and how could they know otherwise? 

I do not blame those who perpetuate rumours and slander - that is between them and God.

The only thing you can do is believe in yourself, and believe in truth, and pray that along the way your actions were in the best interests of the causes you served for.

I am removed now from the politics of what happened then, and I write this only as a reminder to myself of things that were and a reminder that even in the most innocent of situations, there are harsh realities of the world that you sometimes cannot avoid.

It is best to be aware.