Miss Aida

Get out of my face.

Don’t tell me you didn’t see this coming.

It’s been kept under control for so long, the emotions carefully watered down to the diplomacy, the tact and the attempt at walking through someone else’s shoes; shoved neatly into a bottle capped tightly, oh so tightly.

I never feel the need to say out the things I want to say. I always feel as if nothing comes out of the anger, that nothing comes out of provoking someone else.

It’s like the concept of bear baiting. Cruel, heartless and useless. That’s what anger is like to me.

But I acknowledge it.

And now it’s on the loose, and I feel no need to censor my words.

It feels good to release that.

The things I will never say because I know how they hurt.

There’s a part of me which is cruel, which knows exactly the words to say to make you feel like you’re the smallest thing on earth. There’s a part of me with words that drip with poison, with words like a knife between the ribs slowly twisting away with every small motion.

But that is only a part of my anger.

It’s that heady rush, of knowing that it’s okay to immerse myself in that red haze, to feel the pulsing of the blood through my veins, to let that sea of violence wash over me.

Because I am violent.

You never knew. None of you did.

I could easily punch your face, feel my fist connect with the area with the most fragile bones, if only because my aim is destruction. The urge to grab your arm and snap it over my knee with such force that the bone breaks the skin, is on occasion, a tempting one. To run my nails down your body as deeply as I am able to and laugh at the blood dripping down.

Get out of my life.

I hate it that you feel the self-righteous need to be a part of mine, to interfere in the processes of my decisions, you self-meddlesome fuck. You can play the part of the helpless victim all you want as well, to run away from the responsibilities that you carry, but you’re only avoiding standing up to the eyes of the world about your own immaturity and crushed ego. Your smile is a mask of a two headed serpent, and if I could erase you from my life, I would.

You can go fuck yourselves so hard up the ass that you paralyze yourself for life.

And I’ll just laugh and be on my way.

14 Responses
  1. bitch E Says:

    nosybodies should simply go out of their caves and get a life of their own instead of snooping around and meddling in other people's. go for self-help classes to help with their insecurities too while they're at it.

  2. angry.. terribly angry...

    Never saw you as the violent one..

    Ought to catch up with you!

    MSN! ;D

  3. hurm. its only human to be angry.

    and revenge is always sweet.

  4. Anonymous Says:

    like they say , karma is a b.... ?
    I believe something good is coming soon after and trust me , it does..

  5. haha you make anger sound so lyrically sweet

  6. I like this entry. Probably because I can reflect myself with this red violent anger.

  7. along Says:

    well written,dear.
    shove it up to their face this instance!!

    i just wished the bitches in my life would click ur blog and read this.

  8. whoa! ur entries has always been mystically sweet (at least to me) until someone piss u off, huh... anger is an emotion that can be difficult to deal with. i found it complicated to face. sometimes its experienced as a fleeting annoyance while other times it consumes my body with a burning rage...

    i have entries like this too! deal with it, no matter how difficult it is... like u did! spill it out here, yeah there u go! i like the way u share ur desire to get to know ur anger, why it is here, and what it wants for u. anger is not our enemy, aite?! it indicates ur in pain, hurt, or fear. u know what, its very presence allows an opportunity to heal or open the doorway to greater love...

    thus, the way u allow ur anger, words, or memories to have a safe space to come out is good. as u listen to ur anger, u go beyond the surface and ask what ur feeling threatened by. ask what u would need from urself to feel even a little better... :-)

  9. Kishie Says:

    this is more of the type of mood for my blog entries rather than yours :D

    may they perish before u wrath and shrivel to nothings.

  10. chill. have a bar of chocolate.
    or ice cream.
    or coffee with me! :P

  11. Laily Says:

    lempang je, aida.
    here's cheering you on!

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