Miss Aida
Touch is one of those personal things.

I believe in hugs and kisses and lots of personal contact. It’s strange, the slight physical contact, and how it made such a huge difference in my life. In high school, scarce a day went by without a hug, and my friends were used to me coming up to them and asking for one. I was a manja little thing with my friends, but that seems like a long time ago.

I don’t know what happened after high school. Perhaps it was the new people I met, the people in college and university, and everyone had different boundaries of physical contact. I too, reacted the same way, and my personal space grew.

In retrospect, physical contact had a large influence on me, and the lack of caused me to grow apart from a great many friends who I came to Australia with. It changed me, and there is a part of me even now that is no longer the affectionate person I once was.

It’s funny to think back about how I used to be and how I was now.

I only reflect on this because of something someone said jokingly, as I lay my head on a friend’s shoulder.

I no longer give hugs freely, because I am unsure. I involuntarily tense when someone invades my personal space.

Yet, at the same time, I have started to let certain people more into my life. I hug certain friends, some more than others, because I know no better way to show my affection. I am more comfortable having certain people enter my personal space.

So small a thing, yet it weighs so much on my mind, and surprises me how much I appreciate the simple gestures. I miss the smallest things sometimes. Just the feel of someone’s arm resting on my shoulders. Bear hugs, and little hugs. Linking arms. The touch of friends and lover alike. Touch, for me, is a personal connection that I cannot define, except to say that it makes me feel alive. Especially lately, where I am with people I am genuinely fond of, I am especially tactile with. I have been out of practice with showing physical affection for awhile, I think.

He laughed when I asked him if my affection with other people worried him and said ,”But you’ve always been like that.”

But that’s the thing. I haven’t been for a long time.

And I’m glad I’m starting to trust again.

10 Responses
  1. You can come up and give me a hug any time, old friend =D

  2. afiq Says:


    See, i think its unfair when you guys do it it's ok but when we do it, we'll be quickly called fags.

  3. Anon. Says:

    believed me it's a subject covered somewhere at the back of everybodys mind - who came from an 11 years of formal education, that is being ignored even from the 1st day of class. damn. dont get me started :P

    i mean it's no nonsense to kinda to notice the changes or how meaningful it can be, to put it lightly.

  4. DiN Says:

    touch orang lain ok, not me! hahaha!!

  5. Laily Says:

    i'm on the same page as you. but maybe you could educate those unaffectionate people around you by spreading the love/hug? :D

    huggling you, aida :)

  6. I guess its the people around us. And the need for it. Hugs can be given freely but not trust. But when hugs are only given to those trusted ones, restriction comes to play.

    I used to be just a person. Now, I'm a hug-a-holic.

  7. ben Says:

    hahaha afiq..
    its unfair? I'm happy its not the norm.

  8. anon. Says:

    dont be glad. its a lost.

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