Lately, I have noticed something about my character that I have never noticed before. Either never noticed, or never was there until recent developments. It is a certain fickleness of sorts, a trait responsible for these sudden changes of mind, the one eighties, the reluctance to settle on one thing.
I am feeling a lot of reluctance to move out.
Having someone dictate part of your life is something I naturally rebel against. Yet, being under scholarship and being financially dependent on that scholarship body, the choices I have are limited.
Perhaps it is a good thing, this change.
There have been a lot of times this year where I haven’t liked myself very much. I don’t know whether it is being in one place for too long, but becoming this complacent is something I definitely don’t want to be. I am losing touch with friends, and I know that the person I am now is not necessarily someone I want to be.
There are too many goodbyes associated with this place, perhaps, and too many memories. I will always associate Astorial with some wonderful times, and perhaps that makes it all the much harder to realize that things are not as they were.
Maybe I am just realizing that I am not the type of person who will be able to stay in one place for very long, but am just too afraid to embrace the idea of the potential instability. Once again, this new restlessness.
A large part of me is tired of the moving. I like where I am now, and the people I’m with, but somewhere deep inside, there’s a part of me that is edgy and in need of something different.
I am looking forward to the change.
I told Ben I don’t know if I want to be bothered getting to know new people. After all, I have been here five years, and have seen more people leave than I care to. Maybe that’s I why I’ve started to distance myself. Thinking back on that statement, I have to admit that I do need to mix it up a bit, and that I am looking forward to meeting some new faces.
I am looking forward to positive changes.
And I want to learn how to iron.
just wondering..how long is your majoring course?
ReplyDeleteScold me like a slave or condemn me all you want, and i wont shed a tear.
ReplyDeleteBring me to the reality of seperation, and i'll cry like a baby.
Sigh. Here's to good times.
p/s: Makcik, please don't test your ironing skills on your new silk dress again :P
if u could buy the time, sitting infront of ur pc to read an article, to spare it for other time consuming activity, say commuting, would u? ofcoz lah. but we couldn't. ofcoz lah. so printing them can be a clever thing to do - to almost achieve an imposible, to put it that way - and not obsessed :P
ReplyDelete(this is a complicated and risky compliment, by the way)
Melady Aida:
ReplyDeleteIf, the might of the earth puts not any force of preasure, spewed not any amount of magmatic heat and burdens not for a long, long time on a handfull of sand grain, would there be a diamond for a man to put on his lover's finger.
Change is needed and it does occur due to unwanted pressuring factors.
That is how god made us, in this case, you - a beautifull being inner and out.
haha.things won't be the same, but they may be better. For instance, You could utilise the gym (which has finally been repaired) to slim down to an acceptable weight. Thus increasing the amount of friends you have. hahahahahaha jk. I think only Amir needs the exercise. Hopefully the rest of Asto manages to get places in CS like you did.
ReplyDeleteBen
Sounds like you're actually ready to settle down, find something more permanent maybe?
ReplyDeleteIroning -- pfft. Babe, this is the 21st century... nobody irons anymore. We use these nifty little spray things that de-wrinkle clothes. If at all. LOL :)
i am also very reluctant to move from clayton. can u imagine??!!
ReplyDeletei was soo looking forward to move to the city and now apart of me doesn't want too. i guess it's true, it's bcoz of the "instability"
i juz realized that sometimes am dependent on my housemates
*sigh*
but this move is inevitable. best of luck with us moving!
i love this post for the reason that it is almost the complete opposite of my own perspective.
ReplyDeletewhatever you decide on, whatever choices you make, good luck ya!