Miss Aida
A doctor once told me that I might not be able to have children.

To me, that was a devastating couple of days. It was just one of those things that I assumed would happen in life; a natural progression of things to come, and to be told that I might not be able to have the one thing I wanted so much was an affirmation of how much I truly craved family of my own.

I have since made peace with myself. Life is in God’s hands, after all, and I believe that crying over a possibility that may not come to pass is a life I cannot lead.

So I sit here and reflect on the twist of fate that has brought me here today, on this cold wintry night, as I think about my unborn child, and the things I would like to say.

What does any mother want to tell her child? What indeed?

There are so many things I could say to you, so many things that seems trivial and clich├ęd, but these are things that I hope you will carry with you as you step through life.

To my unborn child,

Or children (the more the merrier, certainly a basketball team would be nice),

I wish you love and happiness.

I hope you never want for the love that your father and I unconditionally offer, or those of your family. I hope our love does not make you grow up spoilt and sheltered, and that you have a larger capacity for love for others than you do for yourself.

I hope you will constantly question me, for although mothers mean well, they do not always know everything, and I hope you will grow up with a boundless imagination and a million questions. May you learn to form your own opinions, opinions from knowledge that you seek, and not take the words of others entirely at face value.

May you take the advice of others well, and may you stand by your values. There will always be people who disagree, there will be those who try to sway you, and there will be those who mean you harm, but may you rise above the ill will of others, and lead your life to the best of your abilities. Every challenge you overcome will make you stronger, but may your faith be unwavering, and your heart be gentle.

Every mother hopes that she will be able to protect her children from the darkness of the world. It is a rather depressing thought, to think that one’s children will be subject to grief and sadness, to watch your eyes lose their innocence but that is life, and I can only hope that your father and I will be there to help you through everything.

May you be kind and humble. May you make many mistakes, but may you learn from the mistakes that you have made. Remember, you always have choices, and it is the choices you make that will shape your future.

I wish you greatness, if your wish is to be great, but I counsel caution, for the path to greatness is littered with greed and corruption. And if you wish nothing more than to live your life in peace, I wish you peace, for I only wish you contentment.

May you live your life by God’s will.

I will always love you.
22 Responses
  1. This very much reminds me of one of my favorite phrases in Al-Quran, with regard to Luqman's adivce to his son;

    'O my son! Establish prayer and bid doing good and forbid evil and be patient over whatever befall upon. Undoubtedly, these are affairs of determination.

    And make not your cheek crooked while talking to any one and walk not in the earth struttingly. undoubtedly Allah loves not any arrogant boaster.

    And walk moderately and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey

    -Surah Luqman

    Here's to better future generation.

  2. is it true, aida? i may not tell you this before, but i'm in the same situation. and it is confirmed. i have been living with the fact since i was 17.

    so yes, i know exactly how it feels. :')

  3. you will make a great mother

  4. Anonymous Says:

    LoVe SoMeTiMeS cAn Be SuFfoCaTiNg EspeCiAlLy FrOm PrOtEcTiVe AnD iDeALiSt PaREnTs. tRUtH bE tOlD thAt LiFe Is A CoNstANt sTruGglE, NeItHeR hArD nOr EaSy BuT pLaIn fRUsTraTiNg.

    iN lIfE , eVeN iN gOoD fAiTh We ArE oFtEn MiSuNdERsToOD.dO mOrE cHaRiTiEs AnD eXteNd yOuR nEtWoRkInG bEyOnD yOuR iNtEReSt, ThEn YoU wIlL uNdERstAnD ..thAt LiFe Is InDeEd A bLesSInG*wInK*

  5. Anonymous Says:

    i think i have read this somewhere......

  6. amir Says:


    p.s. one basketball team coming up :p

  7. basketball team..hehhehe.

    but nway! aida, this is realllyyy touching!! i almost wanted to cry! sighh i hav to stop being sooo sensitive to everything hihihi.

    btw...yes, u'll make a good mother :)

  8. It's possibly true. I don't dare do the ultrasound. It might just confirm what I fear.

  9. (okay, okay, so I only just browsed through your previous post's comments (58 comments got me pretty wide-eyed) and WHOA, can't believe I missed all that.. fun stuff!)

    but anyway, although agak terlambat, I just wanna say that you amazed me on many counts. Seriously inspirational.

    now, about this post, seriously...? hmm, but then nothing is impossible so don't accept it just like that when it can possibly change.. I mean, some gay dude cured from HIV sometime ago and nobody understood how.

    miracles do happen, you know.

  10. hi, a friend passed me the link to your site a few days ago and i think you're a great writer. Which part of Australia are u at? I'm in Melbourne. Drop me a message if you want. Will definitely be checking back in to read your posts. I hope you have a wonderful day... winter is here and its freezing, not to mention its that time of the semester again! Take care Aida :)

  11. Laily Says:

    you'd make such a fine mother, dear aida.

    and although it may not be slightly practical since i'm a medic too, but i believe in miracles.

    my prayers are with you :)

  12. aLz Says:

    This post got me thinking about something that has never even crossed my mind before.

    Take care, Aida. =)

  13. my fren's dad was paralysed waist below when his skydiving adventure turned into a frightening free fall. Doctors said he wont walk again, but last year he participated in the Penang Bridge Walkathon ke marathon tah.

    moral of the story...bukan semua cakap doktor tu boleh pakai ngeh3...ur fate isn't in the hands or in the expertise of doctors...kan ajal maut rezeki semua tu Allah dah tentukan...children are oso rezeki, so you know to Whom you should ask from kan ;D


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  16. Anonymous Says:

    hey, where did you hear my songs?? so embarassing lah!

    anyway, i've accepted the fact that i can't have my own child, but apparently my umi is still very much insecure and conscious about it. she's sceptical about every guy i'm with, saying they cannot be trusted and merely sweet talkers during relationship but will eventually leave me (or find a second wife) when we're married because i can't perform my main role as a wife - giving zuriat.

    adzwan and i are planning to get married in 2 or 3 years time. my parents has approved but despite that, umi still continues being sceptical. i don't know how else should i convince her. did i tell you that when we found out about this, she immediately told me NOT to get married? i was seventeen and didn't think she was serious. takkan lah my life is over and i've to be alone and miserable just because i can't get pregnant kan? i just want to have a normal life like everybody else... you should understand. :)

  17. God miracles works in many ways. All you have to do is keep on asking it from Him. And put faith in it. =) Many will pray for you Aida. I will be one of them.

  18. Iz Says:

    ever considered a football team.. :P
    nice post aida..

  19. DiN Says:

    Don't worry aida, amir kuat! hahahahaha!!

  20. kuatkan hati dan iman, teruskan usaha.

    that's all i can say to you my friend.

    good luck and buckets of love for you.


  21. Well, worst comes to worst... there's always adoption. It may not be your biological child, but it will still be your child. Kan?

    I wish you and Amir all the best. :)

  22. Makes me want to make you mother of my children.

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