Saturday 23 April 2005

War of Emotions

"Bastard." She paced around the room like an angry tiger, eyes narrowed, long nails digging into her palm until the red blood oozed from her hands and then only did she look down and realised what she had done. "Bastard."


"Wrath, calm down. It's not entirely his fault. You know that. We have no claim over him, or how he chooses to live his life." Logic reclined back, watching her surroundings through half-closed eyes. "We made that choice a long time ago, when we agreed to stay friends. Remember?"


"I can't help but feel this way though. I know we made the choice, but it doesn't stop me from loving him and forgiving him," Love trailed off softly, adding, "I thought there might still have been a chance. That he felt the same way that I did about him. I still love-"


"How could you?" Love's twin sister Hate cut her off abruptly. "After what he did? He had no respect for us whatsoever. Him and that fucking whore."


"I was talking to her earlier and she was nice enough!" Love defended her.


Hate whirled around, lips deliberately forming the cruel words. "Fucking. Slut."


Wrath agreed. "She probably spreads her legs to any available man, and he was the nearest one available. I talked to her at the beginning of the night and she told me she was looking to make out. And boy, does she live up to her words. You had to pry her apart with a stick. I can't believe I had to watch that. I turned around and it hit me like a slap in the face. I wanted to walk over and kill them both with my bare hands." She stopped and laughed throatily. "That would have been satisfying."


"I must agree I was a little taken aback when I turned around and encountered the scene. It took some effort to walk away and appear unaffected," admitted Logic. "Although I figured it would happen. He was free, she was free, both of them were looking for a good time. I would have expected them to be a bit more private than that though. A little discretion on his part, at least." She shrugged. "Oh well. Things do happen. Accept it. Move on.The best things you can do with your life."


"If it makes him happy." Love sighed. "At least we still have friendship. I'm willing to step back into the role of good friend. I didn't expect it to hurt so much when I had to smile and act as if I wasn't affected at all while I felt like weeping inside, at least for that moment. And I want him to be happy, and if she can help fulfil that, then so be it, and I will accept his decision and fade into the background and become once again, a friend."


"Your words just fuel me, like embers to a flame, Love. I hate him for what he's made us feel. For what he's turned us into. It's rare that we all turn up at one time, and yet, here we all are, in the same place at the same time. Friend?" Hate snorted. "He doesn't need our friendship. If he did value that, in the least he would have realised the impact of his actions and been a bit more discreet about it."

"He definitely doesn't deserve our friendship, Love. What do you want? Walk up and ask him if she was a good fuck?" Wrath asked cruelly. She leant forward to face Love, eyes narrowed. "I'm going to give you a little advice, Love. Play the cool callous uncaring individual. Be the most polite of friends, yet coolly distant."

Love sighed. "Wrath, you do that well enough. Pretend as if you're fine and good while you simmer inside, the cold flame just burning you inside out."

"I cannot be you, Love. That takes a lot more strength sometimes. I usually come quickly and fade quickly, like quicksilver. Never have I lingered so long a time, and it is wearing me out. The quick flares and the sudden dampening of Hate. I am burning with jealousy, and I am tortured by the sights I saw that night. The scene keeps repeating itself in my head and each time it is agonizingly fresh, and I am reborn." Wrath's tone was pained, ringing with the dramatic pain of her nature.

Love bent her head and embraced Wrath, flinching with pain as she did so. "I am not as strong as your think me, Wrath. I dared not say my feelings. I kept them locked in a box deep within my heart He already knew of them, and I have said them once, and never had the strength to say it again again. For I am weak sometimes, and I cannot tell him how I really feel. I cannot tell him my fears. I fear rejection. I fear that he felt not the way I did for him."

Logic nodded. "Despite all my fine talk, and my civilised speeches, and those wonderful philosphical discussions we have had, I could take no action. I am afraid of rejection and for putting Love on the line. I was afraid of letting down those wonderful walls I have so carefully constructed throughout the years, and for Love to risk it all on her one gamble?" Logic shook her head. :"I was not quite prepared to let her do that."

"That's all fine and good for you to say, Logic," Hate said vehemently. "And look where we are now? Together for the longest time I have remembered in ages. I do not care to be dragged from my solitary silence." She spat. "I hope he wakes up tomorrow and realises what an idiot he was. She didn't even want him. She said so throughout the night to me."

"Hah," Wrath snorted, mimicking the girl sarcastically, "I don't want him." She paused, theatrically putting a finger to her lips. "I guess I'll just let him stick his tongue down my throat all night then! And maybe, later, we'll just go back and fuck our brains out!"

"Fucking American slut," laughed Hate.

"It's not her fault. She didn't know there was history between us," Logic was quick.

"You're right. It's his." Wrath was equally quick to rise.

"No it's not!" Love's defence was quick as well. "His only fault was his indiscretion."

Hate turned, slapping Love so hard she fell to the ground, feeling the pain being reflected in Love's eyes. "Tell me, did he have to do it in public, in front of our eyes? I didn't need the visual. Did you?"

Love was silent, turning away, as Hate continued, her voice rising.

"Did he have to bring her back with us? The post party? If he wanted to fuck her so badly they could have left. Why did he have to come back and bring her? Include her in our circle? We had no idea who she was. She didn't belong."

Love was pained, her eyes closed against Hate's onslaught.

There was a moment of silence as everyone tried to recover from the venom in Hate's voice. Love spoke up quietly. "Hate, you've been away too long and it shows."


"It was not my wish to come back either," she said quietly as she knelt over to Love's huddled form and took Love's hands in hers. "We are twins, Love. I am you and you are me, just different parts of the same spectrum. I thought that we could not exist at the same time, and yet we do, and it burns us."


"His fault was ignorance, which might have been due to the alcohol, and his indescretion. And that is barely a fault. Just rudeness." Love murmured. "He did not know."


"Well, then if I cannot fault him for anything else, for that I shall scream for his blood. I will move on but I have lost something dear to me, and none of us will never see things the way they were again. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," Wrath was strong on her opinions.


"It is irrational for all of us to feel this way, after all. Love, would you have rather changed your principles to accommodate those physical impulses? Would you have rather been the one to have kissed him, and continued to a sexual relationship?" Logic was calm.


Love bowed her head. "You know I will not, as it is the same for all of us, and the teachings of our religion."

"Would you have, Wrath, preferred to have done that instead?" Relentless Logic.

"Even I have some control over myself, Logic."


Logic cast her eye on Hate, and even she was forced to admit, "And I would not have either. It would have spiralled out of control too fast and then Lust would come out to play, and she's a hard one to get rid off. And you know that would have just been the beginning of the floodgates opening."


The four of them shuddered at the thought of Chaos.


"His actions were cruel that night," Hate said weakly.


"It was not cruelty on his part. He was drunk and oblivious to all, Hate. And we play the part of unaffected friendship to the hilt, as you know," Logic reminded them. "He probably knows not how she still feels for him, so well we play the part."


"The other girl didn't even want him to begin with. And she still didn't," cried Wrath.
"I wanted to tell him, but he seemed so happy and so I held my tongue lest he accuse me of Jealousy," admitted Love.

"Well, that is not our part. We must move on," Logic was always the calmest one. "She is not our issue, but rather, a complication that distracts us from the point at hand."

"You are right as usual, Logic. We cannot escape him for we share too many friends. We will see him, and we will let you handle this, Logic, but we must agree on our course of action. You are too soft for this, Love. You will be hurt, again and again." Her voice gentled.

"He will be unsure how to react, once the events of the night come back to him, especially to us," agreed Logic. "We must not run away with ourselves. Especially you, Hate."

"I shall be polite. The most polite and the best of friends once again, but I will keep Love away from him. I will be polite but cold, perfectly friendly but he will feel the walls that I have put up between us and I have no intention of letting those down again. Not to him. Not now. And we will meet again, with mutual friends and I will ignore him as discreetly as I can unless he should directly address me, then to which I will respond with the most perfunctory but fitting response for the occasion. And I will ignore his affection and stretch my facial expressions into what they should resemble but I will be wonderfully social and sparkling with everyone else around me, and keep Love's natural impulses for affection fiercely guarded under lock and key around him." Hate said coldly, her voice dripping with poison.

"I refuse to let anyone make me feel this way. I refuse to let him make me feel this way, even though he has no idea what he has done," agreed Logic.

"I can grow. Change into a different Love. Love of friendship. It will take time but I will make it happen."

"I could kill him for tearing me apart like this, but I shall restrain myself and follow Hate's path."

"It hurts." Love said simply.


"It does. But even more so for her, to have all of us here together, and quarrelling at that, fluctuating like the fickleness of strangers. It hurts her more than it hurts us, and for that we must make our decision."


The four of them turned to watch the girl. "She is conflicted," agreed Wrath, watching her from the back of her mind. She could sense them watching her and she almost turned around, unable to concentrate on one at the same time and her frustration was obvious.


"We make her conflicted. Us being here at the same time causes her conflict. So we must make our decision."

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