Miss Aida
Don't cry for me. I'm not worth your tears.

I'm not the person you thought I was. I'm not the person I thought I was. Apparently I've turned into a stranger, a stranger that no one really knows, and least of all me. I get colder every day, my insides turning to shards of ice and my feelings frozen.
My smiles are plastic, the motions of socialising feel more like the mechanical manipulations of a puppet master as opposed to genuine feeling.

I can be evil. True that. Well, I've re-evaluated my life. And perhaps being a bitch and being cold and being that stranger that wakes up in place of me is where I'm supposed to be heading. Perhaps it's easier not to care, knowing that if no one cares for me, I can no longer disappoint. It's difficult living up to the expectations of others.

And all this while I thought it was for me.

Well. Screw you all. Everything I said before? Every single piece of advice? That's in the past. Stop reconciliating the woman that stands before you with the person you used to know. Stop asking me what happened to the person I was. Principles change. And even I am influenced by the people around me.

Good influences and bad. To different aspects of my life. The way I think? The way I dress? Maybe I need to reevaluate. From what you tell me I'm hypocritical. Well, I seem to have some warped sense of what I want to wear, what I feel comfortable wearing, and what seems proper. So is my warped sense of ideals. Of what's right and what's not. So maybe after all that I need to change.

I barely know damnit. I barely do. I know right and wrong but it's so much harder to sift through the shades of grey. And when I do something it does NOT automatically mean it's right. Just because I do one-off things that are different from what I say does NOT mean that it is the way I choose to live my life. So stop bringing it up as an excuse to justify the things you do.

I don't care. Really I don't.

Screw that. I do. I do care. I need to feel again, to recapture the happiness I once felt, the content in my life, to stop feeling this mechanical. Like a robot. Smile more. I say the right words, laugh the right way, smile the right times, and half the time I barely feel it anymore. I want to feel again. I do.

I do.
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