Contemplation

Her exams are on Monday and she doesn't feel a thing. Nervousness? Fear? Anticipation? She doesn't usually stress out until the day right before the exam. She's not entirely sure how prepared she is. What if this is one of those times where she's under the illusion that she's ready to sit for the exam but she's actually not? What if she's walking through my entire Swot Vac being blinded to her lack of ignorance? It's a very valid, very true thought. A thought that chills her.

Sometimes she wonder what she doing here. Doing medicine of all things. She wonder if this is the path God has chosen for her. The unwavering destiny of her life. The unflickering light at the end of the road. And she wonders if this really is what she's supposed to be doing, if she's the best person for the job, to be entrusted with the huge responsibilities of the course and her country and its individuals.

She thinks about the incredible events that led up to her being here, in Australia, experiencing all the things that she's experienced. Gone through so much. Evolved. Changed. She's lost track of herself now. Changed. Life went by too fast and she kept running to keep up, constantly changing and being reinvented, by the words of others and all the crazy things she had done and the thoughts and actions and by the life she now led. She had no idea who she used to be. And maybe she doesn't want to know.

Her exams are still on Monday. And she stilll doesn't feel anything.