Thursday 13 May 2004

In Love with A Friend

With love comes heartbreak. And heartbreak is painful. There are no two ways about it. Falling in love with a friend can be the sweetest love, and the more crushing kind of heartbreak.

It is painful to smile upon your face and know that my feelings are not reciprocated. To sit beside you and pretend that I feel nothing more than friendship underneath the surface. To restrain that wave of emotion as we both lock eyes. To ignore the fastening of my heartbeat when you says hello. To encourage you for your dreams, knowing that those dreams don't include me in them. And to smile for your happiness while my heart breaks as you walk off with someone else.

Yet what would one be without opening one's heart to the idea of love? To miss out on that shared connection, that flight of happiness. Love is a gamble. One does not choose who they give their heart to, and one cannot try and force themselves to love another. It is one of the mysteries of life.

I choose to love, despite the emotional tangle it puts my emotions through. I choose to keep you as a friend, despite loving you so deeply it hurts, because I understand that love is not something that you can manipulate. I choose to stay with you, because you're still my friend, and that matters a lot more than anything else.

I love you, my friend. And it hurts.

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