Two Thin Blue Lines

She counted the days with her fingers, frantically thinking about the last time she had her period. 

Damn. 

She was late. 

She assumed the vomiting had just been due to the bad food she’d eaten. The routine round of gastro on the odd occasion. It wasn’t until a friend had jokingly made that comment, “Maybe you’re pregnant.”, not until then when it had triggered that thought in her head. 

The two blue lines on the pregnancy test stared back at her. Nothing quite pee on a stick to change things. Somehow the whole world had changed, spun off its axis. 

She took a deep breath to steady herself and stared again at the stick, hoping that somehow, that one extra line would fade away, that she was just having double vision. 

She never quite planned to get pregnant so early in her life, in the peak of her career. There were promotions to look forward to, places to go, people to meet. A child and a family hadn’t been very heavily featured in her plans at all. 

It was strange, looking at herself in the mirror, knowing that something about her had changed. She looked exactly the same, the same pale skin, the same dark hair, the same body. Not even a hint of a bump. 

And yet, somehow it felt different. Somehow, there was something growing inside of her. Soon a heart would beat. Soon, arms and feet would form. Soon, it would start resembling something humanoid. There was almost something magic in the thought, and as she splayed her fingers on her abdomen, she thought, soon I’ll be able to feel it kick. 

She was surprised at the thought. Surprised that she wanted to feel it kick. Surprised that she could imagine her once toned body swelling with the weight of pregnancy.

“You know you can’t keep it right?” Her boyfriend stood by the door, watching her. 

“Of course I won’t,” she snapped. "Don't be crazy."

She tossed the stick in the trash, pretending she didn’t care, but part of her died, like the momentary flickering fantasy of a family that she could have had.