Aida Zabidi
What I fear most about work is that it will drain me of the desire to dream.

Not the dreams of aim and amibition, but those non-sensical dreams of faraway places that don't exist anywhere in your head, those dreams of beauty and fantasy, those dreams that are so often accused of having no role in the world we live in today.

I fear losing my sense of free-spiritedness, and my ability to submerge myself in the alternate reality of the recesses of my mind.

It is a cynical world we live in, they tell me, and I fear I am starting to believe them.

They tell me not to smile to strangers, because it is dangerous to attract the attention of strangers and I could be robbed. I smile anyway, because I never know when a smile will make a difference in someone's day.

They tell me not to be friendly to men, because men are only after one thing. I wonder if it is so wrong to care for people, regardless of gender.

They tell me not to trust anyone, because the only person you can trust is yourself. I wonder if a world without trust is something worth living in at all.

I cried the first time my patient died. I cried tears of joy the first time I delivered a baby. I once asked my specialist if they ever got used to that feeling - the feeling of failing someone, of losing a patient. My specialist told me it was a good thing to feel. He told me to hold on to my heart. It is all too easy to become jaded, he said, and we sometimes end up losing that humanity that makes us better doctors.

These are the things I will remember.

These are the things that I will carry throughout my life.
3 Responses
  1. Selamat Hari Raya Says:

    and i died, and resurrect. ok, i think doctors shud b clear about that.. u kno, dead. like game over arready. orait orait.. :) dont think.

    remembering u. and the unconditional loving. sigh. take care, doc. p/s: i hv lots of dreams.

  2. And here's hoping that you achieve some of them.

  3. Selamat Hari Raya Says:

    i did. started with a broken one.. like a major depression. take care and i mean it.

    its not fair making me come back here after a month. so take this comment, miss doctor. hope u never find it huh. ;)

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