Aida Zabidi
Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me.

My friends around me are happily settled and married, and the ones who aren't are longing to be in a relationship and move into marriage and children.

I find myself somewhat ambivalent about the idea.

I was never one of those girls who dreamt about their perfect wedding, who already had their colour schemes picked out - the ones who would swoon and gush about their friend's weddings and say, when it's my turn, I want to do things just like that!

I hate the idea of a wedding.

It gives me the chills.

Marriage is something I am truly undecided about. But a wedding? Shivers. If it ever happened I'm pretty sure I would hand over the reins to my mother and tell her to plan everything.

I am happy at the moment, happy to come back home to my family, in their comfort and support. I feel no need to move out, feel no pressure to leave. I am happiest in my room alone, not having to listen to another person, knowing that I am able to go out and chill with friends whenever I want company. Marriage feels like a burden that I am not ready to bear.

A lot of things have changed.

I used to want children.

Now, my sister talks about her pregnancy and I feel happy for her, but there's that part of me that is secretly relieved that it isn't me.

Where is this biological clock that everyone keeps talking about? I used to think that at this age I would be ready to pop out a litter, but at the moment it feels like I barely have enough energy for myself, much less a partner or a child.

Perhaps I am a reflection of the new world we live in - selfish.

Too selfish to be willing to put aside time for another person in my life.

Or just not ready.
6 Responses
  1. Miza Says:

    Kenapa nak menyebok sangat?


  2. Selamat Hari Raya Says:

    there's fun in planning. n make things happen. jodoh is wonderful.


  3. Selamat Hari Raya Says:

    there's fun in planning. n make things happen. jodoh is wonderful.


  4. dianaroslam Says:

    When the time comes, it'll be a magical one. Enjoy what you have now and be happy babe, I'm green with envy!


  5. I said I'd be last of our little gang to get married. But 3.5 years ago, I had to eat my words, but at least it was on my own terms and I am happy. Life's like that.

    I agree with the baby thing though. There's heaps I want to do before catching that notorious sexually-transmitted infection known as KID.

    It's not really selfish, but pragmatic. I don't think I'd be fair to your kid if you had to drop everything right now for it. If you couldn't give all your time and finances to it. If you resented it because it's not what you wanted right now. And so forth.

    Life's like that. We're lucky we have the luxury of making these choices.

    xox, N.


  6. hey, i 'borrowed' ur quote... hope u don't mind.. :)


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