Walk the Line

It's strange how you can be viewed so differently by different people at work.

I am currently among the most junior of my colleagues at work, and I was recently appointed to be the head among housemen - a crappy job with very few perks but one that I was appointed to anyway. 

I consider it an honour of sorts that my specialist would place so much trust in that that she has picked me despite my new start. I had only been working 3 weeks at the time.

In addition, she placed me in two rotations that are usually offered to more senior posters. I am touched by her trust in me.

I find it funny that at work, my colleagues often think I am more senior than I actually am. I am not, and in all honesty, there are many many times where I feel lost.

Then there's my other specialist.

If my first specialist thinks I'm very capable, it's the opposite with him - he thinks I'm incompetent. Not necessarily just me, but most housemen, it seems.

I'm not surprised. 

I have made careless mistakes in front of him that I still kick myself for in those early weeks of work. I could tell him that I am unused with the system, and perhaps it was the type of mistake that anyone else might have made too, but I chose to take the blame.

It is ironic that my first specialist has left, and the person I am liaising with directly now is the second specialist. 

I know how he works. I know a lot of my colleagues are stressed out with him, but I have to believe that I will show him that I have improved. Despite the crushing self-doubt I occasionally feel whenever I am doing my rounds with him, I have to admit that I truly admire his dedication to our patients, and our patients are lucky to have him as their specialist.

It is a learning process, and there will always be the challenge of working with someone who you know does not think very highly of you.

But you deal with it.

You move on.

And you improve.