Aida Zabidi
I enjoyed watching the leaves dance in the wind, and I wished that I too could be borne up and dance with them in mid-air, because they seemed so joyful - and I too wanted to share that joy.

My jealousy has brought out the worst sides of me, and I'd been right to suppress it all these years, but there was always a time where it would have broken free, and its time had come.

I hurt ridiculously, in ways I thought I would have never hurt before.

"Is this what you went through," I wanted to ask, "Is this how it felt to have your heart wrenched out of your chest? How did you cope through all of this?"

I lied - the hurt feels as fresh as it did the first time.

It hurt that you took her to places you'd never taken me.
It hurt that she was the type of person I would have liked.
It hurt that she was the sort of person to baby talk and use short forms that killed me, and was so absolutely gaggingly sweet with you.
It hurt when you said you liked her but you loved me.
It hurt when you said you'd never told her you loved her, but she claimed you did, and it hurt that you had said it so casually that you claimed you didn't even remember, when I know that you would have called her 'dear', and 'love'.
It hurt, knowing that perhaps, she was the last person you would talk to at night, and perhaps the first person you would speak to in the morning.
It hurt that maybe she was calling you 'sayang' over and over again whilst you were saying 'good morning sunshine'.
It hurt that it felt like you were turning into someone else.

And it hurt that I couldn't stay strong through all of this, even though all I wanted was to paste that smile on my face and tell you that things were going to be okay.

I imagined our lives to be like these leaves, borne in the air with joy - and never knowing in their beautiful dance where exactly they were destined to be.

I could only wish, like these dancing leaves, that our paths too would be consumed by the dance, and that we too, would find our destinations and our fates. I could only wish that the dance would heal our individual hurts, and let us find ourselves once more, despite the trials that we had faced.

5 Responses
  1. Anonymous Says:

    Be strong girl!

  2. Anonymous Says:

    the best revenge is to be happy ...

  3. love your words.
    i can feel the pain..

    tk cr babe :)

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