Parting of Minds

He read the words with growing turmoil, the underlying questions and fears brought to life and made all the more real with the words put down. Questions about the future that they both shared, and both discussed before they decided to throw caution to the winds and let their hearts decide.

Fate would decree that she would not be home to answer the phone, to leave her chat program unattended, to have left her mobile. For her to return and be surprised by the missed calls, the worried message and text and as she was just about to dial his number, he buzzed her apartment.

He looked wide-eyed, unsettled and wary. And oh so quiet. Dishevelled and wild-eyed, the appearance of a man who had been through an ordeal.

"Is there something wrong? She sincerely had no idea.

"I read what you wrote."

She was quiet, suddenly recalling the gravity of her words, the implications of his realisation, his appearance and seeming worry all starting to make sense. Her chronicling the issues they both shared with their relationship into a work of fiction, but it was fiction laced with a liberal sense of truth.

She never expected him to have read those words. Or perhaps she did.

Her heart melted at his worry. "It was fiction."

"I was worried," he said simply.

They talked awhile and for awhile, it seemed like everything was back to normal and when he suggested taking a walk, she smiled as usual.

Taking the paths they usually took, walking slowly under the stars, making their way to the nearby park. She sat on the swings and as she soared higher and higher, she could feel the predictable rush of playing on the swings, the familiar sensation of adrenaline pumping through her veins before she finally slowed down to a stop.

"I don't know what I'll do when the day comes where I stop being excited about playing the swings," she said wistfully.

It reminded her of a more carefree, innocent time. When things were so much less complicated. When the path through life seemed so much more straightforward, without the complications of knowledge and maturity and circumstances. And they talked of childhoods and a less complicated time, and she could smile in his company.

And then he finally said what was on his mind.

Of the fears and uncertainties brought to life. Of how he could not sustain a relationship when there was doubt about the future, and the familiar issues arose once again, and she could feel the crack in her composure as he kept on talking. Of how both he and she could not see them going in the future. How it would be the wise thing to do to cause a little hurt in the present to prevent more hurt in the future.

And while her head agreed with him, her heart wilted and she felt the salty sting of tears and she turned her head so he could not see, but she knew he could feel the shudders running through her body, and she hated herself for her loss of control.

"Sometimes you can't help but cry," she smiled through her tears.

She always found it easier to smile when she was sad. It helped her believe that there was good in the world, and there would be good to come from the situation. And she had never liked the world to see her weak side.

He was equally affected by the situation, she could tell by his expression, and his voice, and she knew he felt badly for the way they had gone.

"We should have never started something."

She shook her head. "I don't regret a single thing. I was happy while I was with you."

"We're still going to be friends. I don't want that part of our relationship to change. Us hanging out, catching movies, going shopping. I don't want that to change." He was earnest and she was comforted.

And he held her and she clung onto him, and she wept for the lost love, because she couldn't help it. She'd always known he would be there.

And then she glanced at his face and noticed the glassy sheen of his eyes, and then she held him to her. "One of us is going to have to be strong."

And so they held each other in silence, left with their own thoughts in the silence of the wintry night, underneath the stars on the cold, park bench. Two individuals and a parting of minds.

And after the long silence, they walked home and she left behind the illusions of her love, and walked towards acceptance. For one moment, she remembered the memories they shared. Of letting go of her insecurities for the brief time they shared, of the laughter and the shared intimacy, of the lazy mornings and the private smiles and she could smile at the memory of that happiness she felt before.

And as they walked, he told her quietly. "I just wanted you to know. I was happy too."

And that was enough.