A Bad Temper

I used to be very bad tempered. Kaki gaduh. 

Every once in awhile this flares up, the familiar wrath, and the knee jerk reaction to return anger with even more anger. 

The thing is, anger takes you nowhere. 

Somewhere along the line I learnt that it wasn't worth it, that some things can never be taken back in those heated moments. Bridges can burn, relationships can break over words carelessly thrown out in a fit of fury, and once broken, can never be the same again. 

You will never know if things can be mended. I'm not saying it's easy. Sometimes it's easier to give in to the urge to punch someone than to actually mediate. Sometimes it feels like it might be more satisfying to slam someone's head against the wall then putting in the time to deescalate. 

It takes a lot of self control to reign anger in, especially when you're no longer thinking straight. 

Your reaction to your anger is a reflection of yourself, of who you are. 

And some things can never be taken back.

The Pampers Baby Shower Fiasco

I attended a really lovely baby shower over the weekend, and as a joke, the organizers had us have cake on pampers (similar to the game of 'Guess the Chocolate' on the Pampers). Some of us were grossed out and chose not to, some of us couldn't care less and took it in good stride - as said, if it's clean enough for your baby, it's clean enough for you! 

We didn't expect the photos to go viral - the first few websites that had shamelessly screenshot the Instagram photos of my friends without even blurring the account names or faces), and the resulting fury of keyboard warriors (fucking hell, thousands of shares?). 

Everyone has a right to say what they want, and everyone has an equal right to do what they want in private, as long as they don't hurt others in the process. 

There is, however, such a thing as manners or 'adab'. 

Firstly, this was a private event and a joke that was taken out of context. It was a group of girlfriends that was having fun, and while perhaps, some people might have thought the action was in poor taste, it doesn't mean you get to take private photos and spread them all over the Internet. 

Secondly, if the intent was to 'advise', there are nicer ways to do it and it does not warrant the type of comments people were making - from cursing the mother to be, to being downright malicious. 

I hope these people learn to be gentle with their words, and that whenever they make a mistake, karma doesn't bounce back to you and announce your mistakes to the world. 

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Pada hujung minggu, saya telah menghadiri majlis kesyukuran untuk rakan yang mengandung. Salah seorang penganjur telah mengusik kami untuk menggunakan pampers untuk memakan kek, seperti gelagat 'Teka Coklat Di Pampers'. Ada antara hadirin yang tidak sanggup, tapi ada antara kami yang tidak kisah - seperti dikatakan, kalau cukup bersih untuk anak, mestilah cukup bersih untuk kami. 

Sungguh tidak disangkakan gambar-gambar tersebut diviralkan - beberapa laman telah mengambil gambar tersebut di Instagram tanpa etika atau tatacara, tanpa menyorokkan muka atau nama akaun, dah seterusnya, penuh dengan kemarahan 'keyboard warriors'. 

Setiap individu ada hak untuk berbicara bebas, dan setiap individu juga ada hak untuk membuat yang mereka suka dalam hidup sendiri, selagi tidak menyakiti orang lain dalam proses. Terdapat, bagaimanapun, adab tertentu untuk setiap keadaan. 

Pertama sekali, ini adalah satu acara peribadi dan jenaka yang diambil di luar konteks. Kami sekumpulan rakan yang sedang meraikan rakan yang lain, dan walaupun, sesetengah orang mungkin berpendapat tindakan itu tidak patut, tidak bermakna anda dapat mengambil gambar peribadi dan menyebarkan ke seluruh Internet. 

Kedua, jika niat adalah untuk 'menasihati', terdapat cara yang lebih baik untuk melakukannya; tidak termasuk jenis komen daripada orang ramai - dari kata-kata memaki ibu mengandung, hingga bermacam-macam kata kasar yang lain. 

Sebagai manusia, memang ada salah silap, tapi itu lah kekurangan kami semua sebagai manusia. Mungkin mereka telah mendapat teladan daripada peristiwa ini, tapi dosa kata-kata kasar boleh la tanggung sendiri. Bukan tak boleh tegur, tapi buat lah dengan cara yang baik, sebagaimana akan menegur keluarga sendiri. 

Saya berharap orang-orang ini belajar untuk menjaga kata-kata mereka, dan mengharap bahawa karma tidak melantun kembali kepada anda apabila membuat kesilapan dan mengumumkan keaiban anda kepada dunia.

Midlife reflections

I hit the three series this year.

Yes, the dreaded thirties - a transition to the new age bracket that marks a new start to adulthood. No more can I convince myself that I am secretly young enough to ignore the responsibility of adult life the way I used to when I was still in my twenties. No longer can I pretend that my teenage years and high school really wasn't too far away.

Turning a new decade always brings about an evaluation of life - what exactly one has achieved.

To be honest, I had the same insecurity that probably a lot of women undergo - as an unmarried career woman, I did question my current state of singledom and the thought of starting a family. I did worry about my career, having started a bit later than most of my peers, which meant in the job ladder I was probably behind them just a little bit. I did worry that I wasn't so motivated that I already had my career planned out and was starting to apply for masters programs, or to do private papers, or the like. On a superficial level, it seemed like my life was at a point where I was just in transit. 

However, I realize that despite all that seemed lacking from everything that society perceives as success, I've never been happier.

I am content. 

I wake up every morning feeling blessed that I have everything that I do, that I have a strong family ties, and I am surrounded by strong friendships. I have found a man I can see myself spending the rest of my life with and it is a relationship that we both actively work on together. I go to work looking forward to the day ahead.

I believe these small blessings are precious, and that turning 30, I realize that perhaps I do not need the successes society clamours for.

We all need to find our own happiness. And at this point, I feel blessed for mine.