Beauty Is Only Skin Deep

Watching the Emmys and the beautiful people, it reminded me of a time when you made me feel less of myself, a time when I was young and naive. You would call me ugly, and I would feel the insecurity deep in my core, at a time when I was struggling with teenage hormones and acne, and I wondered how my friends were so pretty when I was not?

 

You made me feel ugly with your relentless teasing, but eventually along the way, it made me realize that beauty truly is only skin deep.

 
It's not about the clothes that you wear; they will never make up for dark hearts and ugly tongues. 

 

It's not about the smoothness of your skin; it will never replace the value of the wrinkles of laugh lines from good times shared.
 

It's not about looking beautiful; when the true value is the strength you carry inside you. 

 

I was lucky to have friends that were both beautiful on the inside and outside, who pooh-poohed at my insecurities and loved me exactly the way I was. I was lucky that I was not interested in dating so early on, and that I did not hold myself to standards to live up to the expectations of others. I was lucky that I learnt to love myself, that when I grew up and learnt to present myself to the world in a fashion that one would call pretty, it was all from self love.
 

I escaped your bullying unscathed, and became stronger for it. 

 

Today, I value those lessons; and I hope it is a lesson that you have learnt too. We are all what we allow ourselves to be; and no one should ever make you feel any less than you are.

The Beauty Concept

I had a conversation once with a very successful plastic surgeon who had dropped by the house to pay a visit to my mother in law.

Interestingly enough, she was one of the few plastic surgeons I had spoken to who didn't believe in performing plastic surgery unless it was absolutely necessary, and she was such an advocate of natural beauty that she had followed up her professional training with a PhD in body dysmorphia and why people chose to do plastic surgery or take supplements for aesthetic reasons - in a Malaysian context, commonly to be fairer, slimmer or in the case of men, 'bigger'.

She regaled us of the horror stories she had seen, who had come to her after botched jobs, done clandestinely in the living room of some big shot or other, or other individuals who had done one surgery after another without understanding their own psychological insecurities why they chose to do so, and surgeons and aestheticians who would choose to proceed without counselling these patients properly.

We spoke about the widespread use of cosmetologists and aesthetics, and how common it had become that procedures were performed with minimal training, with minimal credentialing - how so many practitioners were allowed to practice in the field without proper supervision, without even knowing the potential side effects of the procedures they were doing.

It's a different world we live in, and having the constant reminder of perceived perfection on social media doesn't make things any easier. 

The choice to make changes to our physical shape is a conscious choice, but it is one that is easily fed into the psychology of the insecure.

The beauty industry feeds into the fears and insecurities of individuals, at the cost of a vicious cycle - an industry that is often unregulated and allowed to flourish, and sometimes the effects are permanent and regrettable.

We are made exactly the way we are, perfect and imperfect in our shape and form.

To make those permanent changes, one should truly decide after proper psychological assessment and counseling, to ensure that the decision is made as an informed choice, with all the risks and probabilities explored. 

See Beyond

You're As Pretty As You Feel

Happy girls are the prettiest girls. -Audrey Hepburn

Where Beauty Begins

Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself. -Coco Chanel

A Passing Compliment

A friend texted me earlier today. 

“A friend sent me this message on Facebook. “That girl in your pictures, can you tell her I said hello? I think she’s beautiful.”” 

That girl he was talking about was me. 

In the world today, a lot of people meet through social media. I’ve had friends ask about other friends, ask for introductions. All it takes is a photo to spark an interest, a glimpse of someone that triggers an attraction. 

I admit, I was flattered. 

Which girl wouldn’t be, to be called beautiful? 

Then again, it brought to mind the phrase that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. These days, beauty is also in the carefully curated version that is displayed to the world. With such broad penetration of social media, every individual has the right to pick and choose what they want the world to see. We have the discretion to pick and choose the face we display to the public, and I freely admit that vanity plays a large enough role in this process. 

The rising trend of social media is suggested to coincide with a rise in narcissism and an undue pressure for people to adhere to an idea of beauty. 

It was indeed flattering to be thought of as beautiful, but as I mulled over the compliment, I realized that it was indeed a superficial impression, presented by a glossy, well lit photo of myself. 

I would much rather be known for the beauty of my spirit or the beauty of my mind. 

(One can hope that you can find some beauty in one’s character after all). 

In the meantime, I suppose I can appreciate a passing compliment.